


I Finally Found My Way

by DarkAliceLilith



Series: I Finally Found My Way [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Disabled Character, Gay Richie Tozier, M/M, Mentions of past child abuse, Slow Burn, Therapy, mentions of past homophobia/internalized homophobia, past Eddie/Myra, past Richie/others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24794881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAliceLilith/pseuds/DarkAliceLilith
Summary: Eddie’s life is turned upside down after Derry. He survived but is left depending on a crutch for the rest of his life due to the injuries he sustained. After months of therapy, he decides to officially leave Myra and travel across the country to live with Richie only to find the feelings he felt for him as a kid growing.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon & Eddie Kaspbrak
Series: I Finally Found My Way [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000431
Comments: 27
Kudos: 91
Collections: Richie/Eddie Bigbang 2019





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Reddie Big Bang](https://reddiebang.tumblr.com/) on tumblr and I am super nervous to be finally posting it! I hope you enjoy it and if there are any warnings I may have missed, please just let me know. I got to work with and become friends with my lovely artist, the art you can find [here.](https://reddietorun.tumblr.com/post/621299916477743104/i-finally-found-my-way) Go show her art some love!!

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do once you get out of here?”

Eddie looked up from the cards in his hands; he had been trying to decide to play his wild card now or save it for later. Mike sat across from him, his cards folded downward on the table they had picked to play Uno outside of the physical therapy facility Eddie was staying at. With a lack of games to play, they had chosen a weathered Uno deck. Eddie eyed Mike’s three cards sitting on the table before looking down at his own and frowning. He set them down and looked back up at Mike.

In truth, he hadn’t really thought about it. His focus had been solely on learning to walk again, with the help of a crutch as there had been some serious nerve damage that affected his right leg especially, so figuring out what he was going to do after had been pretty low on his priority list. 

“I don’t know, Mikey,” Eddie answered with a sigh. “I mean, I can’t go back home. I wouldn’t ask Myra to leave, she picked the house and I honestly think she should keep it, but I also don’t want to go back to it. It wouldn’t be fair to go back when I want a divorce, which I know she’s going to fucking fight me about. I just know that she’s just going to cry and beg me to reconsider. You know what she said to me when I was still at the hospital and told her I wanted a divorce? She said-she said…” He trailed off, running his fingers through his hair and letting out a heavy sigh. “She told me that I couldn’t divorce her because no one else was good enough to take care of me like she could. She told me I needed her.” He shook his head. “At least I was smart enough to make her sign a prenup. That should make this whole thing less of a headache. I just want it over and done with. I want to be done with her. I should have never fucking gotten married.” 

They sat in silence for a long moment before Eddie took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I’m sorry to unload all that onto you. She just-she frustrates me so much.”

“It’s okay,” Mike said, reaching out and placing a hand over Eddie’s and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Just know that whatever you decide, you know that we’ll all be here for you, for whatever support you need. We’re just one phone call away.”

Eddie smiled softly at Mike and picked up his cards again, throwing one down. “Draw four, Mikey.”

“And when I was so close to winning,” Mike said, grabbing four cards from the deck.

“You won last time,” Eddie said, throwing down another card. “My turn to win.”

He glanced behind Mike and saw Richie making his way towards their table and his grin grew as he waved at him. Richie smiled back, taking a seat next to Eddie. “Hey, Eds. How’s your day going?”

“Just kicking Mike’s ass at Uno,” Eddie replied. “I thought you had a thing today.”

Richie just shrugged. “I decided I wanted to spend more time with you instead.”

“You’re here nearly everyday. Aren’t you sick of me yet?”

Richie let out a chuckle and ruffled Eddie’s hair. “I could never get tired of my Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie swatted at his hand. “I hate it when you call me that,” He said, though there was still a hint of a smile on his face as he looked at Richie. “Wanna join our game after this round?”

“Sure.”

Mike ended up winning again, much to Eddie’s disappointment, but he reshuffled the cards and handed them out. They played two more rounds, one where Richie won and one where Eddie did, before Mike announced that he had to go get ready for his flight in the morning. He was going down to visit Stan and Patty. Eddie had yet to see Stan, due to both of them being hospitalized states apart, but they had spoken a couple of times on the phone and even facetimed once or twice. He knew Stan had been released a couple months ago, but wasn’t up to traveling. Eddie decided that once he was settled, he’d make plans to meet up with Stan.

Mike came around the table and gave Eddie a hug. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I look forward to it,” Eddie said, returning the embrace and smiling up at him. “Bye, Mikey.”

Mike left and Richie slid into the now unoccupied seat, pulling a deck of cards out of his shirt pocket. “Double solitaire?”

Eddied nodded and grabbed the Uno cards, shoving them back into their box as Richie shuffled the cards. As Richie set up the game, Eddie caught sight of the half naked men printed on the cards. “What the fuck, Richie?!”

Richie looked up at him with a grin. “What? I thought you could use a laugh. Besides, don’t they look much better and cleaner than the ones they keep here?”

“Nicer, but I doubt they’re much cleaner with you touching them.”

“It’s a new pack,” Richie said. “I went to pick up a present for a friend before coming here and saw them. I thought it was funny.”

Eddie looked down at the cards. “They’re not my type.”

Richie paused, looking up at Eddie. “Oh? And what exactly is Eddie Kaspbrak’s type of man?”

“What’s yours?”

Eddie watched a blush spread across Richie’s face as he quickly looked back down, setting the deck aside for them to draw from. They knew about each other, Richie had come into the hospital room just as Eddie screamed at Myra that he was gay, which led to them each coming out once Myra finally left. It was the only time they had ever talked about it, besides the occasional joke about their sexuality. 

“You go first,” Richie said, gesturing to the deck and Eddie felt slightly disappointed. Though he had been joking, part of him wanted Richie to answer the question, part of him wanted to know if he fell under Richie’s taste in men.

Eddie picked up a card. “Mike and I were talking about what I would do once I leave this place.”

“And what did you decide?”

“I haven’t,” Eddie replied, leaning back as Richie took his turn. “The only thing I planned on doing once I left was get a divorce, but after that?” Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Richie sat silent for a moment before saying, “How do you feel about LA?”

“Are you offering up your home?”

“It can get pretty lonely,” Richie answered, staring down at the cards instead of Eddie. “You’re uh-you’re more than welcome to come stay with me if you want.”

Since the day he awoke in the hospital, Richie had been there, Beverly and Ben telling him how he had refused to leave Eddie’s side after dragging him out of the sewers. He had to be forced out of the hospital by the others while he was in a coma, insisting he needed a shower and to sleep in a proper bed before he ended up in his own hospital bed. Despite living on the opposite coast, he was here by Eddie’s side through everything. As he thought about Richie being there, how he had always been there for him when they were kids, he found he didn’t want that to change. It had been lonely those years without the Losers. It had been lonely without Richie.

He reached out and placed a hand over Richie’s. “Then LA it is.”

Richie looked up at him, a smile gracing his face and he intertwined his fingers with Eddie’s, making Eddie’s heart flutter in his chest. “I’m sure I’ll have to make some changes to the house, but I’ll get that all figured out and it’ll be ready for you once you’re free of this place.”

Eddie smiled and he gave Richie’s hand a squeeze. “Thanks, Rich.”

The moment was broken as a worker came out to get him for one of his therapy sessions. Richie pulled his hand away from Eddie’s and started to hastily put the cards away. Eddie slowly got up, grabbing the crutch next to him and sliding his arm into it. 

Richie smiled up at him when Eddie stopped beside him. “I was thinking of going and getting a shake, want one?”

Eddie nodded and Richie stood up so he could give him a hug. They embraced for a long moment before Eddie reluctantly pulled away. “See you in an hour?”

Richie nodded. “I’ll be here.”


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie didn’t know what to expect when he first walked into Richie’s house. Though exhausted from the flight, he found himself wide awake with curiosity as he walked through the front door. Richie had had a ramp installed outside to make it easier for Eddie to get up to the house, something he had been thankful for as he continued to struggle with steps and stairs. 

He stood in the entryway and looked around, finding the walls a mess with different posters and collectables, but it was surprisingly clean for what he remembered of Richie’s room when they were kids. 

He took a couple more steps forward to let Richie in who dropped their bags by the door and placed a gentle hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Would you like the grand tour?”

Eddie nodded, feeling the hand on his shoulder fall down to the middle of his back, careful of where his still tender scar was. Richie kept a slow pace with him, gesturing towards the front room and the kitchen, explaining things to him before leading him down the hall. “It’s two floors, but I cleaned up the spare room that’s down here so you didn’t have to walk up and down. Besides, the only thing really up there is my room anyways.” He opened the door and Eddie walked inside as Richie turned the light on. “I uh-I didn’t have it decorated because I didn’t want to do something you didn’t like, but now that you’re here, we could do it together. I also had this bathroom and the one down the hall renovated so that they would be easier for you to use. I made quite a few changes to the house so that you were more comfortable here.”

Eddie smiled at him before making his way towards the bathroom and glanced inside. It was quite big and Eddie noticed the bars installed next to the toilet and in the shower. There was also a shower chair for him to sit on and a detachable shower head. He turned towards Richie, feeling a mix of emotions. “You really didn’t have to do all of this.”

“I didn’t, but if you’re going to live here, it needs to be accessible for you,” Richie said, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking nervously down at the floor. “It’s not just my house anymore, it’s yours.”

Eddie felt his heart flutter in his chest and he walked over to Richie, placing a hand on his arm. Richie looked up at him and he smiled. “You really are a sweet guy, Richie.”

“Just don’t go around telling people, I have a reputation to uphold,” Richie joked, but Eddie could still see how nervous he was. “I didn’t eat on the plane, do you want anything? I can order in something.”

“I really want some pizza right now. Good pizza. I don’t know what that shit was that they served at the hospital, but it was not pizza.”

Richie let out a laugh and nodded. “Alright, pizza it is. What do you want on it?”

“My taste hasn’t changed since we were kids,” Eddie said, moving past him to explore more of the house. “You know, this isn’t what I was expecting.” He stopped in front of a poster for one of Richie’s specials. “I expected to find a place similar to your old bedroom.”

“I have a maid,” Richie said. “You know I hated cleaning.”

“You made an attempt whenever I came over.”

“You were the only one I would clean for,” Richie said quietly. Eddie looked at him over his shoulder. He looked nervous again. Richie gave him a half smile before going down the hall and pulling out his phone. “I’m gonna order pizza now.”

Eddie watched him leave before he started down the hall again. He smiled when he walked into a room and found the first two Street Fighter arcade games. He heard footsteps and turned his head as Richie peeked his head into the room. “Ah, you found my gaming room I see.”

“You really bought these?”

Richie walked over to the second one and placed his hand on it. “I bought the first one, the second one was a gift from an ex. I don’t play them so much though, they’re mostly just for show.”

“Oh? So if I asked you to play a round?”

Richie laughed. “I’d have to plug them back in, but sure.”

Eddie smiled and stood next to Richie. “Not tonight, I’m too tired, but we should play sometime.” He looked up at Richie and smiled. “I may be a little rusty, but I remember kicking your ass a time or two.”

“Only because I let you,” Richie said, looking away and fidgeting with the buttons. “Pizza should be here in twenty minutes. Want some help getting settled in?”

Eddie turned towards the door and started down the hall with a soft sigh. “I don’t have much to put away. I somehow need to get the rest of my stuff from Myra, but I don’t know how I’m going to do that. Would you bring my suitcases to my room?”

“Yeah.”

He found himself growing tired and sat on the bed as Richie wheeled his things in and set them on the bed. Eddie stared at them and after a moment of pondering, he asked, “Are you still terrible at folding clothes?”

“I’ll make them look nice, promise,” Richie said, unzipping the bags and opening them. “You sure you need more? I mean, this looks like the entire contents of a dresser already.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

Richie chuckled softly and started grabbing clothes. “Do you want anything hung up?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, put my shirts and pants on hangers. Everything else can go in the dresser. I don’t want to have to bend down to get clothes.”

Richie nodded, walking over to the closet and pulling out some hangers. He and Eddie worked together to slide the clothes onto them.

“I have a meeting tomorrow, but maybe afterwards, I could take you to get some new clothes? These definitely aren’t going to make you look like the sexy new bachelor that you now are.”

“Sexy new bachelor? I’m fucking forty years old!”

“Plenty of sexy forty year olds out there,” Richie said, walking over to hang the clothes up. “I mean, you’ve seen Ben. I know he’s not single anymore, but God damn that is a beautiful man.”

“Yeah, Bev’s a pretty lucky woman,” Eddie said as Richie walked back over to place the rest of the clothes in the dresser. “What’s your meeting for?”

“Oh, I’ve been avoiding my manager since Derry,” Richie answered. “So I have a lot of shit to figure out. The whole second half of my tour was cancelled and refunded so he’s probably super pissed at me. Also, I need to figure out what I’m going to do now. I’ve done a lot of thinking these past few months about my career.” He closed the top drawer and stood there quietly for a moment and seemed lost in thought. Eddie was about to ask him if he was alright before he pulled open the second drawer and asked, “So what about you? Are you going to go back to being a risk analyst?”

“It wasn’t terrible and it paid good money,” Eddie said. “Besides, I think it’s a little too late to try and go back to school to become a doctor.”

“I don’t think it’s too late,” Richie said, coming to sit next to Eddie on the bed. He gave him a soft smile. “But it’s your choice.”

“The company I worked for in New York has an office out here,” Eddie said. “And I had spoken to my boss before in the hospital. She told me my job would be there if I wanted to return. So when I called again and said I was moving to LA, she said they could transfer me out here.”

“Will you do it?”

Eddie shrugged. “I want to settle in first before I make any big decisions. Also, I was thinking of maybe seeing a therapist? I was seeing one in the hospital and it really helped to be able to talk.”

“Well, whatever you decide, I’ll be there to support you,” Richie said, wrapping an arm around Eddie. “Me and all the other Losers.”

Eddie leaned against him. “Thanks, Rich.”

The doorbell rang a minute later and Richie jumped up. “Pizzas here!”

While he had been adjusting to living life with a crutch, adjusting to life with Richie was a different story. They clashed a lot, but at the same time, Richie was very sweet and patient with him. He was there if Eddie needed him, but he didn’t push his way in or do everything for him as his mother and Myra always did. He waited for Eddie to tell him it was okay to help. And he didn’t tell Eddie that he was fragile or needed to take it easy, he kept pace with him and even when they bickered, it never turned into a full out fight. Eddie had never really been able to stay mad at Richie for long. 

With everything that had happened since Derry, Eddie had pushed his feelings aside to focus on recovering, but living with Richie was making Eddie remember just how much he had loved him when they were children, and how much those feelings had never left him, only laid dormant. 

Like now, Eddie was sitting in a chair at a clothing store, watching Richie as he modeled different button ups, each one more ridiculous than the last. He stifled a laugh as Richie came in one patterned with Bigfoot on vacation. They had already gotten a few looks because they couldn’t stop making each other laugh. 

“Well?” Richie asked, hands on his hips as he did a twirl. 

“You look absolutely fucking ridiculous,” Eddie said, covering his mouth as he laughed, his heart skipping a beat as Richie beamed down at him. In his mind, he could see them as kids again, Richie twirling around in a floral shirt he had stolen from Maggie. He gave a soft sigh and dropped his hand. “Have you made your choice?”

Richie nodded, taking Eddie’s wrist to look at his watch. “And with just enough time to take you to your appointment.” He turned and walked back into the changing room. “Are you nervous?”

“Extremely,” Eddie said. “But I think I need this.”

Richie came out a moment later, throwing the shirts he didn’t want on a rack nearby and taking the clothes Eddie was holding onto. “I’ll get these this time.”

“But-”

Richie shook his head. “I got it. Think of it as a gift.”

“Next time, it’s on me.”

“Or you could buy me dinner,” Richie said, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Eddie looked at him for a moment before cracking a smile as they walked up to the counter. “Sure.”


	3. Chapter 3

At the therapist’s office, Eddie sat awkwardly in the chair, unable to figure out what to say. While it had been his idea to come here, he felt nervous about opening up to a complete stranger. At the hospital, he only spoke about the medical issues and nothing else. He tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair and looked at her.

She sat patiently behind her desk, waiting for him to talk. They had already gotten the introductions out of the way, but Eddie had fallen silent. 

“I know it can be tough to open up, but I promise no judgements. I’m here for you to vent,” She said after a full five minutes of silence had passed.

Eddie let out a shaky breath and stared down at the floor. “Where do I start? I feel like there’s a lot to unpack.”

“Start where you feel most comfortable.”

Eddie sat there for a moment before beginning. He started talking about his childhood and his mother, how she had forced placebos on him. He talked about the friends he made and promptly forgot when he left Derry, leaving out the bits about the killer clown. 

It felt relieving to speak it all out loud. He hadn’t been close to many people, not in the way he had been close to the Losers, and he had rarely ever opened himself up to Myra. 

“I had stopped taking my meds,” Eddie said. “I had figured out that it was all bullshit, but for some reason when we moved and I no longer had my friends, she had found ways to convince me I was sick again.” He sat back in the chair and sighed. “And then I married a woman who was exactly like her.”

“It is not uncommon for people to fall back into relationships they are used to, even if those relationships are unhealthy.”

“I know, but I think the worst part of it is that I knew I was gay. I had always known, even as a kid, but I still let her voice convince me it was just another sickness. I didn’t want to marry Myra.”

“Repression can make a person do a lot of things, even marry a person of the opposite sex to convince themselves that they are normal. Did your mother want you to marry Myra?”

Eddie shook his head. “No. I think my mother wanted me to live with her forever, because marriage meant that I would leave her and all she ever wanted was to keep me in sight. I mean she did end up living with Myra and I, they got along far too well once she accepted the fact that I was married. But when I tried to leave for college, and before I married Myra, she fought me.”

“But you left anyway?”

“I stayed close by for her sake and then I met Myra.”

“And what drew you to Myra?”

“She always seemed so nice,” Eddie answered. “In the beginning, she wasn’t always complaining and fixated on my health. I didn’t have many friends so I started spending more and more time with her. I knew she was interested in me romantically, but I never felt anything for her. I think I just wanted some company and as time went on, she reminded me of my mother.” Eddie gave a heavy sigh. “I thought that I would grow to love her.”

“But you didn’t.”

Eddie shook his head. “Never.” He tapped his fingers on the chair again, growing silent. After a moment, he whispered, “I feel like the bad guy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I knew that I was gay, I knew and yet I still married her and now I’m filling for divocre. I haven’t spoken to her once since I told her. It’s been months. She tried to contact me, but I’ve been ignoring her.”

“I think you definitely feel a lot of guilt, but there is nothing wrong with divorcing someone, Eddie. There are plenty of men and women who have married and then come out years later. You grew up believing it was wrong to be attracted to men and tried to fix that. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“I lied to her. All these years, I’ve been lying to her and myself. I don’t love her, I never did, but it hurts to know that I did that.”

“You said that you enjoyed her company in the beginning, that she was your friend.”

“Not like what I had with the Losers, but yes, she was my friend. I haven’t felt that in years though. Our marriage was very strained.”

“You’re grieving not the loss of a marriage, but the loss of a friend, even if that friendship ended years ago. It’s going to hurt, despite what you may think of her now, losing someone who was once close to you can be very painful.”

“Will it go away?”

“In time,” she answered. “There may be pangs here and there, but in time, I think you will find you won’t feel it anymore.”

After his appointment, Eddie waited outside the office for Richie. He had sent a text a few minutes ago and he smiled when he saw the familiar red sports car pull up in front of him. Richie rolled down the passenger window and grinned at him. “Hey, hot stuff, looking for a ride?”

Eddie laughed and got into the car. “Thanks, Richie.”

“So, how did it go?”

“Talked about a lot of shit from childhood and I talked about Myra,” Eddie answered. “I’m going to call a lawyer tonight. I think I found a good one. I made her sign a prenup and we had separate bank accounts so I shouldn’t be fighting much.”

“That’s actually pretty smart. I would have never thought about any of that if I got married.”

“Well, I was already an analyst by that point, so I had actually weighed everything out before I proposed.”

“You proposed to her?”

Eddie nodded, staring out the window. “She was my friend in the beginning and I was too scared to come out. So I picked her. Stupid, right?”

He felt Richie’s hand on his knee and looked over at him. “We all make a lot of questionable decisions when we’re in denial.”

Eddie took Richie’s hand and threaded their fingers together. “Yeah,” He said, looking back out the window. “I guess we do.”

“You want to go get some ice cream?”

Eddie nodded. “Ice cream sounds really good right now.”

Richie found a parlor with an outdoor area and Eddie sat at one of the tables, waiting for Richie to return, his crutch leaning against the table. It had earned him some stares as he walked over, but he did his best to ignore them. He was different now, and different means stares. 

He blocked it out and pulled out his phone, scrolling through Instagram. He had finally downloaded the app to keep up with the other Losers. He smiled and liked a picture of Mike on a beach, drink in hand. He scrolled further to see Ben and Beverly at dinner, then one of Patty holding a bird on Stan’s. He liked them all, not getting much further on the feed as Richie sat across from him, holding out a vanilla cone. He set his phone aside and accepted the cone, eyeballing Richie’s cookie dough one.

“You know that raw-”

Richie held up a hand. “Eds, it’s fucking delicious and if it does kill me at least I went out enjoying something I love!”

Eddie rolled his eyes before taking a couple licks of his cone, watching Richie devour his own. He picked his phone back up and took a picture of Richie as he was taking a bite, ice cream on his nose and chin. He looked down at the photo and chuckled, posting it to Instagram.

“What’s so funny?”

“You,” Eddie said, turning his phone around to show Richie the post.

“That is so unflattering.”

“Have you ever taken a single flattering picture in your life?” Eddie asked, reaching across the table to wipe some of the ice cream from Richie’s chin with his thumb. “You’re a fucking mess. How old are you again?”

“Mentally stuck at twelve.”

“It shows,” Eddie said, wiping his thumb on a napkin before going back to his own cone, eyeing Richie’s once more. “Give me a taste.”

Richie raised an eyebrow. “What if it makes you sick?”

“I’ll risk it,” Eddie said and Richie smiled softly before holding the cone out towards him so he could take a bite. He sat back and chewed on the cookie dough before nodding approvingly. “That’s actually really good.”

“Is that the first time you’ve even had raw cookie dough?”

“Did you forget who my mother was?”

“How could I possibly forget my first love?”

“Oh fuck off,” Eddie said with an eyeroll, though he couldn’t help the small smile gracing his face. He threw a couple napkins at Richie. “Clean your face up.”


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, a paparazzi photo of Richie feeding Eddie made its way around the internet along with several speculations. Eddie had come out of his room to see Richie sitting on the couch with his laptop and his phone on speaker next to him. 

“I’m going to tell them he’s not my boyfriend, that’s for sure,” Richie told his manager and Eddie felt a slight pang at those words. He ignored it and joined him on the couch, keeping quiet as Richie spoke. “But I don’t know if I’ll address the other issue.”

Richie’s manager sounded stressed. “What do you mean you won’t address it?”

“I mean that I don’t give a shit what other people think,” Richie growled, startling Eddie. He stared at Richie as Richie closed his laptop and picked his phone back up. “Listen, I’ll think of something to say.”

“We’ve already made a st-”

“No! No more writers,” Richie said. “I’ll think of something and send it to you for approval, but I’m done with all that shit and if people want to speculate about me, then fucking let them. I don’t care anymore.”

There was a softer tone in the manager’s voice as he said, “Richie, have you really thought this through?”

“I already told you I want to go a different path with my career, and this is how I start. Now if you’ll excuse me, I haven’t had breakfast and I’m starving. We can talk more about this later. Goodbye.”

“Rich-” Richie hung up before his manager could finish, then set his laptop on the coffee table and tossed his phone aside. He gave a sigh and rubbed at his face before turning to look at Eddie. “Morning, Eds.”

“Morning,” Eddie said, gesturing towards the laptop. “So uh, what was that about?”

“Paparazzi photos of us getting ice cream,” Richie answered. “Should have warned you that you might get a little more attention hanging around me.”

Eddie shrugged. “Kinda figured that would happen.”

Richie nodded, falling silent for a long moment, looking down at the floor, his leg nervously bouncing. “I’ve uh-I’ve actually been thinking about coming out, and I thought that not addressing the rumors would be a good first step. Well, besides to say that we’re not dating.”

The pang returned and Eddie frowned, glad that Richie wasn’t looking at him. He wished that it didn’t bother him so much. He composed himself and reached out, setting his hand on Richie’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You have my support, and I know that the others will be there too.”

Richie took a shaky breath, placing his hand over Eddie’s. “I know, but I’m a little scared. I’ve spent my whole life hiding it and now…” He trailed off and shook his head. “This is hard.”

“You don’t have to, if you’re not really ready.”

“I am ready though, at least, I’m done forcing myself and everyone else to believe that I’m straight. It’s tiring. When we were kids, I lied about not seeing the clown, because I was too terrified to tell you guys how It tormented me, but now I feel like it doesn’t matter anymore. I feel like killing It made me braver. I was a coward before and I almost left all of you behind but I faced It and here I am still alive, so why should I give a fuck about what other people think? Even if I never actually do some big coming out, I’m ready to actually start living my life. I mean, it felt so relieving that day in the hospital when I told you.”

Eddie scooted closer to Richie and wrapped his arms around him. “You have always been brave, Rich, and like I said, I’ll be here for you, whatever you decide.” He held him tighter and Richie turned in his arms to return the embrace, tucking his face against Eddie’s neck. They held each other for a long moment until Richie’s stomach growled, making them both chuckle as they pulled apart. 

“You want to help me cook up some breakfast?” Richie asked, standing up. 

Eddie nodded. “Sure.”

As they were sitting down to eat the waffles they made, Eddie got a text from Mike with the paparazzi photo attached. 

‘You guys look close.’

Eddie felt his cheeks flush and briefly looked up at Richie who was scrolling through his own phone and not paying attention to him. ‘It’s not like that.’

‘You sure?’

‘Yes!’

He watched the dots blinking on his screen for a couple of seconds before they disappeared. A moment later, Mike sent, ‘I think that you guys would be good for each other.’

‘Cause we’re both gay??’

‘No, because I remember how close you two were back then. Richie cares a lot about you and I know you care about him too.’

Eddie stared at the text for a long moment before sighing and typing. ‘I need to focus on me right now, not a relationship.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with that. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.’

‘I know. Thank you.’

“Who was that?” Richie asked as Eddie set his phone back down.

“Mike. He was teasing me about becoming popular through you.”

“Stan was just telling me the same thing,” Richie laughed and Eddie briefly wondered just how similar their conversations had been and if Stan had an inkling about his feelings for Richie. “You gonna be okay with some attention?”

“I have a couple of famous best friends. I think that I’m going to have to be okay with it.”

Richie nodded. “When is your appointment with the lawyer?”

“Two.”

“Want me to drive you?”

“Thought you had a thing today?”

Richie shrugged. “It wasn’t that important and I can drop you off on the way if I decide to go.”

“Alright. Thanks, Rich.”

He got a call a few days later from Myra. When he answered it, she was already crying and he sat back in the chair, glad that Richie wasn’t home yet.

“Why, Eddie? Why are you doing this to me?! Why can’t you just come home and we can put all of this behind us. I don’t want to lose you, Eddiebear. I can’t.”

Eddie rubbed at his face, his stress level already rising just from a few seconds of talking. “Myra, we were not happy. We screamed at each other all the time.” He ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at the ceiling, wanting this to just be over with. “I already told you that I’m gay.”

“Then why did you marry me?! You asked me, Eddie. Remember?”

“I know. I know! And I shouldn’t have done it because it wasn’t fair to you. I just-I didn’t want to accept who I was,” He said and closed his eyes. He knew he could never get Myra to understand, but he tried anyway. “I grew up in a town where people like me got killed just for existing. I just…I wanted to be normal.” 

“Did you ever even love me?” She asked, her voice barely even above a whisper. 

Eddie was silent for a long moment, staring at the pale ring around his finger where his wedding ring had been for years. It had never felt right on him and he had felt such relief the day he had yanked it off for the last time. He gave a heavy sigh, knowing he was going to break her heart even more. “No, Myra, I never did.”

He could hear her start to sob on the other end of the phone and closed his eyes again. “Marty,” he whispered and the sobbing stopped, but he could still hear her sniffling. “This is why you need to sign the papers. You need to find someone who loves you.”

“No one is going to love me.”

“You don’t know that,” Eddie said, rubbing a hand over his face. She was dragging this out and he knew all her tactics, knew how she would try to reel him back in, but he knew he was stronger than that now. Though the thought of returning to Derry had terrified him, he had jumped at the chance to be away from her. “We need to move on. You need to move on and accept that I am not coming back. I’m sorry, but this is how it has to be.” Myra fell silent and after a few minutes of listening to her sniffle, he said, “Marty?”

“Don’t call me that!” She snapped, letting out another sob. “Just don’t. I’ll sign them.”

“Thank you.”

“Go to Hell, Eddie.”

The line went dead and Eddie pulled the phone away from his ear, pulling up her contact information and the picture he had set for her. It had been from one of their rare vacations. She had always complained about how easily it would be to catch a disease from traveling so they hardly ever left New York.

His finger hovered over the delete button. The papers would be signed soon and he would be free of his loveless marriage, but as he stared at her picture, part of him wished that it didn’t have to end with her heartbroken. He may have never loved her, but she hadn’t always been terrible either, not in the beginning at least. 

He deleted her contact and relocked his phone, setting it aside for now. Richie would be home soon and they had made plans to go out to dinner so he needed to get ready.

When Richie stepped through the door and Eddie laid eyes on him, the conversation with Myra was quickly forgotten.

His next meeting with his therapist was slightly easier than the first. Having already gone through his childhood and relationship with Myra, he had easily blurted out, “Myra got the papers and now she hates me.”

“You seem a little upset over it yourself.”

“I just wish that I didn’t have to break her heart to do it. I know our whole marriage was loveless, at least on my part, but listening to her beg for me to come home? It hurt.” He looked down at the ground. “I didn’t think it would hurt this much.”

“Do you feel any regret over it?”

Eddie shook his head. “No. I’m happier now that I’m away from her. I’m not constantly spending my days screaming or trying to hide from her. There were alot of days when I would purposely spend extra hours at the office because I didn’t want to come home.”

“Divorce can produce a lot of feelings on both sides. I said to you before that I think you are feeling the pain of losing a friend. While things have spiraled into something more uneasy and unfriendly, she was a big part of your life for several years. You are a deeply emotional person, Eddie, even if you do not outwardly show it. I picked that up in our first meeting and I feel that today. Losing anyone, no matter the relationship, affects you deeply. But you have also reconnected with your childhood friends, so I do believe that you will not be feeling this loss for long.”

“When I’m with Richie, I rarely ever think of her,” Eddie said. “We’ve talked about my marriage, but when we’re together, she never crosses my mind.”

“This Richie, he was one of your friends from childhood, correct?”

Eddie nodded. “He was my best friend and my…” Eddie trailed off, his face flushing. He averted his eyes from his therapist, suddenly feeling nervous.

“Eddie?”

Eddie was silent for a minute. While others had figured it out, he had never actually spoken his feelings out loud. “I had a crush on him,” he finally said, the words leaving him in a voice that was barely above a whisper, making his therapist lean closer to hear him. “I loved him. I still love him.” He looked up at her and took a deep breath. “I-I never said that out loud before. I know some of my friends have figured it out, but I never said it.”

“You seemed relieved to have said it though.”

Eddie nodded. “I am. I never talked about it and whenever someone brought it up, I changed the subject. The other day my friend Mike had said something, but I told him that I needed to focus on me.”

“May I ask why you kept it to yourself?”

“Because in Derry being attracted to another boy meant a death sentence,” Eddie answered. “It took me forty years to finally be comfortable with being gay and telling people that I’m gay, but telling people that I’m in love with Richie? Or having Richie find out? It terrifies me.” He felt tears well up in his eyes and wiped at them. “There was a bully who used to call me names. He especially liked to call me ‘girly boy.’ Then there was my mother who had convinced me that boys who touched other boys were dirty and that they carried diseases and I could die. So I kept it to myself.”

“You are not dirty, Eddie.”

Eddie looked up at her. “I know that now, but it’s just her voice is still in my head sometimes. There are still times where I freak out cause something isn’t clean, or I go out in public and try to not have a fucking panic attack from thinking about germs and sickness. There’s times when I’m alone at night and think of Richie and I hear her voice telling me I’m dirty for touching myself, or for just thinking of him. And I know that it’s not wrong to love him and I know that I’m not dirty, but those thoughts still creep in sometimes and I think that’s why I continue to keep it a secret.”

“Now that you have said it aloud, do you think you will keep it a secret?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think that I’ll change the subject so much if one of the Losers says something, but I also don’t know if I’ll ever tell Richie. Maybe one day, but I think that right now I have other things that I need to worry about. I’ve been feeling restless and I want to go back to work and then there’s the issue of living with this,” Eddie said with a gesture towards his crutch. “I’m getting better, but it still gets extremely frustrating. I’ve tried to get out of bed at night and because I’m so tired I forget about it and try to get to the bathroom. I’ve fallen a couple of times and freaked Richie out once or twice. I felt like a complete idiot.”

“Adjusting to a disability can be difficult,” She said. “It’s a lot like death. You go through the stages of acceptance and even years after, you can still feel angry and frustrated by it.”

“That’s what they kept telling me in the hospital when I was learning to walk again,” Eddie said. “I screamed a lot, but I don’t get so angry anymore. I mean there’s still anger sometimes, but it’s not as bad as it was. I don’t like having to rely on Richie or other people from a lot of things. I spent my whole life having my mother and then Myra fussing over me and once I’m finally free of them, I get stuck with this? It just sucks. You know that I actually enjoy cleaning? I know that sounds weird, but I actually do. I get so caught up in it that everything else just kinda fades away. I still clean, even though Richie said he has a maid for that, but it calms me. The only problem is that it takes me longer to do some things now. Like I can only use one hand to carry things because my other hand is on my crutch. I’m adjusting to it though. It’s just hard sometimes.”

“You do seem to be dealing with it better than a lot of people I have seen,” She said. “Now, you were a risk analyst before the accident, correct?”

Eddie nodded. “Yes. When I spoke with my former boss while in the hospital, she had told me that I could come back when I was ready. So when I called back and told her I was moving out here, she said that they would be more than willing to transfer me out. I know everyone else said it sounded boring, but I liked it and I think getting back into a normal routine might help me more.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea. Will you do the transfer?”

“Yeah, I think so.”


	5. Chapter 5

“So, how was your first day back at work, Spaghetti?” Richie asked, as Eddie slipped into the car. “A total snoozefest?”

“Just because it’s not comedy, doesn’t make it boring,” Eddie said, before giving Richie a light punch in the arm. “And don’t call me that. I hate it when you call me that.”

Richie just laughed and pulled out of the parking spot. “Seriously, how did it go?”

“It went great. Today was mostly me getting reacquainted with the job and one of my new coworkers actually lives not far from us, so you don’t have to drive me all the time.”

“Hey, I don’t mind driving you around.”

“I know, but what if you start going back on tour or get sick or something? It’s just easier to have a back up plan. And eventually, I want to start driving again.”

“Is driving possible?”

“I think so? I mean, I’ve been looking into it and there are plenty of people with spinal injuries who can drive. You just have to be cleared to drive and then I have to practice driving since it’s going to be different, but it is definitely a possibility for the future. I’m not going to rule out the fact that I might never be able to drive again, but that’s something to work on another time.”

Richie gave him a soft smile as they stopped at a red light. “You know, I’m pretty damn proud of you. You’re not letting anything stop you from living a normal life and that is just amazing. You’re amazing, Eddie.”

Eddie felt his face flush and turned away with a smile on his face, mumbling, “Green light, Richie.” 

Mike came to visit a few weeks later, Bill and Audra coming down for dinner one night while he was in town.

“You look great, Eddie,” Bill said, as they sat around the table while Richie carried out the dinner Eddie had cooked. “And you’re working again? That’s awesome.”

“Even with a broken arm he wasn’t down for long,” Mike said, rubbing Eddie’s back and smiling at him. 

“I still feel the pain from that sometimes,” Eddie said, rubbing the arm that had been broken when he was still a kid. “Especially when it rains, but yeah, there was no way I was going to confine myself to the fucking house. I don’t know how my mother or Myra did it. I get too restless. I had to do something. It sucks that I can’t go for a run anymore though. Did I ever tell you guys that I was on track for awhile after Derry? I did it in secret for about a year before my mom found out and forced me to quit. I still went for runs though, just got better at hiding it.”

“You go for walks,” Richie commented, placing the last dish down on the table and taking the empty seat next to Eddie. “I’ll see him in the morning taking a couple of laps around the backyard.”

“It’s not the same as running, but it does help,” Eddie said, looking up at Richie with a smile before looking around at everyone else. There was a look on Mike’s face as he looked back and forth between him and Richie, but he didn’t get a chance to decipher it as Mike busied himself with grabbing food. “I like the fresh air, and it gets my legs moving. My mother would hate it if she saw me now.”

“Or she’d throw herself at babying you.”

“Richard,” Eddie said, glancing at him. “I meant the whole not having an inhaler thing.”

Richie sighed. “I’m sorry. I just never liked your mother.”

Eddie frowned. “No one did.”

“So how is work going?” Mike asked. 

“It’s going great,” Eddie answered. “I missed having a routine, and everyone at the office is really nice. I get along with them all and they’ve accommodated me pretty well too.”

“That’s really great, Eddie. We’re all glad to see that you’re adjusting to getting better,” Mike said. 

“Well, Richie has been a huge part of it,” Eddie confessed, looking over at Richie again with a soft smile. “He’s pushed me a lot and he’s been super supportive. I’m glad I’ve got him around.”

Richie was smiling back at him, making his heart beat faster. Eddie turned his head away before he could blush and caught sight of Mike staring at them again. He quickly looked down at his food. “Anyways, I’m just glad to be away from Myra, even if it took killing a fucking clown and nearly dying to do it.”

Richie’s hand was on his shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. No words passed between them and lately, Eddie had noticed that they didn’t need to speak to understand each other, just like when they were kids. They didn’t always bicker. Sometimes, there had been quiet back then, when they would sit close together in each other’s room and read comics. Now it just changed to sitting on the couch together and enjoying a movie. And sometimes, Eddie would look over to sneak looks at Richie and sometimes, he would find Richie watching him back.

After dinner, Mike had insisted on helping Eddie clean the dishes, even when Eddie said he was the guest and didn’t have to help. So Eddie washed and Mike dried. It had been mostly silent, besides Eddie giving Mike directions as to where the dishes went.

It was on the last couple of dishes that Mike spoke up. “So, you and Richie?”

“Richie and I what?”

Mike was quiet for a moment, just looking at him before saying, “You’re in love with him.”

Eddie’s cheeks went pink and he looked away from Mike, quickly glancing towards the front room where Richie, Bill and Audra were all chatting. Mike hadn’t been loud enough for any of them to hear, but he wasn’t ready for Richie to know, not yet. He nodded a couple of times before looking up at Mike again. He had had an inkling that Mike knew, especially after the text he sent with the paparazzi photo. “Yeah, I do. I loved him when we were kids and when I saw him again at the restaurant, the feelings hit me hard. They didn’t go away and I feel like while I was in the hospital, they grew stronger because not only was I getting to know him all over again, I kept remembering things from our past. I haven’t told him. I-I don’t think I’m ready.” He paused, feeling nervous again. “You-you won’t say anything will you?”

“I won’t tell anyone. I did think that you were already dating though. You two, it makes sense, just like Ben and Bev do.”

“Maybe I’ll tell him once the divorce is finalized,” Eddie said, returning to the last three dishes. “But for right now, I have other things to focus on.”

Mike nodded and accepted the plate from Eddie, rinsing and drying it off. “At least you’re happy. Relationship or not.”

“I am happy,” Eddie said. “I’m happier than I’ve been in a very, very long time. Probably the happiest since before I first left Derry. I missed you all, even though I didn’t remember you. It just felt like there was this hole inside of me that could never be filled. Then I saw you guys again and it disappeared. I’m glad to have all of you again. I was so miserable without you.”

Mike smiled, wrapping his arms around Eddie and giving him a tight hug. Eddie returned the embrace, careful not to get too many soap suds on Mike. They stood there for a long moment before Mike pulled back to look at Eddie. “I missed you too. I missed all of you. I kept tabs on you all, but I just knew that I couldn’t reach out to you, or else I wouldn’t have waited for It to return.”

“It’s okay, Mike. We’re all together now and that’s what matters.”

Once the dishes were done, Richie grabbed out a couple of games and they sat around the table to play them. It had been Jenga first, but Richie kept purposely knocking the table whenever it was someone else’s turn and they put the game away after the tower fell during Eddie’s turn and he chucked the piece in his hand at Richie’s head. 

So Eddie picked the next game, grabbing Cards Against Humanity, a game that Myra had despised and said was too crude when they played it at one of Eddie’s old coworker’s houses. 

“I picked the game, so I’m judging first.”

“That’s not how it goes, it’s whoever last-”

“Nope! I’m going first!” Eddie said, shuffling out cards. “Myra hated this game. We got invited to one of my coworker’s houses for a game night and she was so appalled. She wouldn’t stop complaining the whole fucking car ride home and then some. I was so glad we slept in seperate bedrooms or else I probably would have had to listen to it all fucking night.”

“You slept in different rooms?” Bill asked. 

Eddie nodded, setting the white cards aside. “We started off in the same bed early on in the marriage, but when we moved into a house I converted one of the rooms into my bedroom. I mean that marriage was doomed from the start. We never even had sex. Well, we tried once on our wedding night but…” Eddie trailed off and shook his head. “I couldn’t do it, so I told her it was too dirty and she agreed.”

“Are you still mostly a virgin, Eds?”

Eddie glared at Richie. “Beep beep, Richie.”

“I’m not being an ass, I’m actually curious.”

Eddie was silent as he grabbed the black deck and started to shuffle it. “There was a boy in college. It didn’t go further than mutual handjobs and a couple of blowhjobs and fizzled out pretty quickly because my mother had convinced me that only dirty boys touched other boys. Then I met Myra and because I still had my mother’s voice in my ear, I married her.” He flipped over the top card and looked up to find everyone looking at him with mixed expressions. “What?”

“You don’t still think that, do you?” Richie asked, quietly from beside him. 

“Of course not, or else none of you would know that I was gay.”

“What about you, Rich, how’s coming out been?” Bill asked, taking the attention away from Eddie. “It seems like you’ve gained a lot of attention.”

“I’m used to attention,” Richie answered. He had impulsively tweeted ‘sorry girls, I like dick,’ officially coming out to the public and though he was initially nervous the first day, it had worn off pretty quickly. “But there’s been a lot of mixed responses. A lot of people praised me, a lot of people have called me a hypocrite for shit I said years ago when I was first starting out, and a lot of people are convinced that this guy is my boyfriend no matter how much I say that he’s just my best friend.” He jabbed a finger in Eddie’s direction before throwing a card down into the middle of the table. Eddie felt the pang he felt when he first heard Richie call him just a friend after the paparazzi photo came out. He looked away from Richie and something must have shown on his face because he caught a sympathetic look from Mike. “Overall, it wasn’t as overwhelming or scary as I pictured it. I lost some friends that weren’t even really that close to begin with and gained some new ones. I also lost a shit ton of fans that I could really care less about because I’m done with the straight white male bullshit they made me spew. I’m not that guy. I’m an asshole for sure, but I’m not the person that they sent out on stage.”

Eddie looked back over at him, feeling a smile grow on his face. He reached over and placed a hand over Richie’s, lacing their fingers together and giving it a gentle squeeze. “He’s been working on his next special,” Eddie said, pulling his hand away from Richie’s so he could gather the cards in the middle. “I’ve gotten a sneak peak.”

“Is he actually funny for once?” Bill joked and Richie flipped him off. “Oh come on. I remember your jokes as a kid. You were terrible.”

“He definitely lives up to his nickname, that’s for sure,” Eddie replied with a smile, looking down at the cards. He looked at the black card to read it outloud. “I’m young, hot and full of,” He paused, grabbing a white card. A snicker fell from him as he read, “A sausage fest. Alright.” He set the card down and read through the rest. “White privilege, an Oedipus complex.” He paused and looked at Richie. “Was that you?”

Richie smiled. “Just read the last one.”

Eddie flicked his shoulder. “Asshole.” He looked down at the last card. “Me.” He dropped the last one and shook his head. “I think we need some drinks pouring. Richie go get us some drinks.”

Richie jumped out of his seat. “I got beer, tequila, vodka and wine. What does everyone want.”

“Bring it all out,” Eddie said. “And some glasses.”

Richie nodded, Bill getting up to help him bring stuff out. They came back a minute later, Richie setting down glasses and a liter of Sprite. “This is what I got to mix drinks with tonight. I haven’t gone shopping yet so I don’t have any other pop.”

“It’ll be fine,” Audra said, taking the Sprite and vodka from Bill. 

Eddie watched them with a sad smile as they shared a kiss, feeling a sense of longing. He took the wine from Richie and poured himself a glass, downing half of it in one go. They all got settled before Eddie picked up the cards again, holding out the card that said ‘me.’ “Okay, who did this?”

“Not the rules, Eds. You gotta pick a winner first,” Bill said, taking a sip from his beer. “Who wins this round?”

Eddie looked down at the cards before announcing, “A sausage fest.”

“That was me!” Mike said.

“Point to Mike! Next round!” He looked over at Richie as Mike flipped over a black card. “What?”

Richie shrugged. “Kinda hoped you’d pick mine. That’s all.”

“The Oedipus one?”

Richie shook his head. “Nope.”

“What did you throw down?”

Richie just smiled and looked down at his cards, making Eddie’s heart flutter as he thought about the one that just said ‘me.’ He bit his lip, looking at the card Mike threw down ‘when all else fails I can always masturbate to blank.’ He looked down at his cards again, his eyes catching Richie out of the corner of his eyes. Had Richie been trying to give him a hint?”

“Eddie?”

Eddie looked up at Mike. “Yeah?”

“We’re just waiting on you.”

Eddie hoped he wasn’t blushing and looked down at his cards again before throwing down ‘Stephen Hawking talking dirty.’

The game continued, each of them getting drunker and drunker by the minute. Richie was leaning on Eddie, snickering into his neck as answers were read out loud. The contact made Eddie flush, his body hot where Richie was touching him. He scooted closer to the table, his pants feeling just a little tight. He felt Richie’s lips graze his exposed skin. He knew it was an accident, but it went straight to his dick and he sat there frozen for a moment, hoping no one noticed. 

Richie lifted his head up a second later as he was declared the winner of the round. “Alrighty, my turn!” He slurred, his body still pressed against Eddie. He reached for the deck, knocking over his beer and spilling it over the table and soaking the cards. The two of them jumped, shoving their seat back, Richie nearly topping his backwards as they both got splashed with beer.

Laughter rang out across the dining room and Mike got up, stumbling towards the kitchen to get something to clean it up with. 

“I think-I think we might have had enough for tonight,” Bill wheezed, nearly in Audra’s lap as he tried to breath through his laughter. “Oh fuck! Fuck, I can’t breathe!”

“I hate to impose, but I think we’re a little too drunk to be driving,” Audra said, helping Bill sit back up. 

“Mike is in our guest room, but you can take my bed,” Richie said, turning towards Eddie. “I’ll sleep with my Spaghetti.”

Eddie’s heart skipped a beat and he quickly looked away, accepting the paper towel from Mike and dabbing at the cards on the table. “You snore, fuck that.”

“Aww, Eddie, you wound me,” Richie said, leaning towards him again and nuzzling against his cheek. Eddie froze, aware of everyone’s eyes on them. He quickly composed himself and gently pushed Richie back. “We need to get this cleaned up. And you’re not passing out in my bed in beer soaked clothes.”

Together, everyone managed to get the beer cleaned up and the drinks put away. The wet cards were left out to dry overnight. Richie stumbled upstairs to show Bill and Audra his room and Eddie walked to his room with Mike in tow.

“You gonna be alright?”

Eddie nodded. “We used to have sleepovers all the time. I can handle it. Besides, I don’t think either of us will be awake for long. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“Alright. See you in the morning.”

“Night, Mikey.”

Eddie went into his room, making his way towards the bathroom the best that he could without stumbling. This was his first time being drunk with his crutch, which he found was actually quite difficult and he nearly fell several times. He leaned against the wall with a sigh and just rested there a moment. 

“Eds? You alright?”

Eddie looked over his shoulder to see Richie walking in just an old tour shirt and a pair of sleep pants slung low on his hips. It wasn’t a good look, but it still did things to him. He did his best to ignore the way his body was reacting. “Yeah, just a little difficult to walk right now.”

“You need help?”

He wasn’t pushing or rushing towards him, Eddie noted. He was waiting for him to answer, something his mother and Myra never did. He smiled softly. “You’re drunk too.”

“I am,” Richie said. “But I won’t let you fall.”

Eddie nodded. “Get me to the sink. I need to brush my teeth.”

Richie walked over, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s waist and helping him into the bathroom, letting go of him once Eddie was leaned against the sink. He kept his hand on Eddie’s back for just a moment, long enough to make sure he had his balance, before he was moving to sit on the edge of the tub while Eddie brushed his teeth.

It felt oddly domestic and Eddie found himself thinking about how he wouldn't mind having Richie in his room all the time. He glanced at Richie who was inspecting the shower chair. 

“Something wrong with it?” Eddie asked as he spit out toothpaste.

“You know, this could be useful for shower sex.”

Eddie flicked water at him. “Mind out of the gutter. That’s not something I want to think about while showering.”

“Or is it?” Richie asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Do you even know how dangerous shower sex is? You could easily slip and crack your fucking head open. The bathroom is already one of the most dangerous rooms in a house and adding-” He paused, catching the look on Richie’s face. He was staring at him with a soft smile and a look in his eyes that made Eddie’s heart race. He shut the water off and grabbed the towel to wipe off his mouth. “Help me get to bed, please.”

Richie stood up, wrapping an arm around Eddie’s waist again, the two of them leaning against each other until Eddie was able to sit down. He leaned his crutch against the nightstand and pointed towards the dresser. “Can you grab me something to wear?”

“You’re trusting me to pick out your clothes?”

“It’s not like we’re going out in public.”

“Touche.”

Richie came back to the bed, holding out a set of pajamas before walking over to the other side of the bed. Eddie changed his pants first before pulling off his shirt, feeling the bed sink behind him as Richie moved across it, placing a hand over Eddie’s back, right over his scar. He looked over his shoulder to see a look of sadness in Richie’s eyes, his fingers tracing.

“I’m okay, Rich.”

“I just-I feel guilty.” The words slipped out, surprising both of them. Richie sat back, dropping his hand and staring down at the bed.

Eddie turned around so he could face him and reached out to touch Richie’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Why?”

“Because you almost died saving me,” Richie answered, his voice shaking. “And I-I don’t think I would have handled losing you.”

“But you didn’t,” Eddie said, moving to cup Richie’s face and making him look up. He could see tears in his eyes. “Look, I was terrified when I saw you in the deadlights, but I knew that if I didn’t get you down, you might have died. You shouldn’t feel guilty over that.”

“You have a crutch now because of it.”

“That is a hell of a lot better than one of us being dead,” Eddie said. “Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same if it were me or another Loser.”

Richie didn’t hesitate with his answer. “I would have saved you in a heartbeat. You’re my best friend, Eddie.”

“And you’re mine.” He moved to wrap his arms around Richie, pulling him close and feeling Richie return the embrace, burying his face in Eddie’s neck. “I love you.” The words slipped out of him so easily. It was quite often that the Losers said they loved each other, but this was different, this was Eddie borderline confessing. 

Richie hugged him tighter and Eddie heard a muffled, “I love you too.”

It was soft and with a hint of the emotion Eddie had let slip through his own words. Eddie wanted to hear it again. He wanted to lift Richie’s head and make him say it again. It had made him believe that he wasn’t alone in how he felt. But then he remembered that he was drunk and in the back of his mind there was a voice telling him that he was just hearing what he wanted to hear. 

He frowned and hugged Richie tighter. He wanted to pretend, even if it was just for a moment, that Richie felt the same too. He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Richie’s curls, not even caring that they looked like they hadn’t been washed in a few days. “I’m not going to leave you, Rich. My life was miserable without you.”

Richie lifted his head. “You mean that?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

Richie smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to Eddie’s forehead, his lips lingering and making Eddie’s heart beat faster. “I was miserable without you too.” He looked at Eddie fondly for a long moment before suddenly frowning. Eddie opened his mouth to ask him what was wrong when Richie pulled away from him. “We should get some sleep. It’s late.”

Eddie nodded, finally pulling on his nightshirt and lying down. “Will you turn off the light?”

Richie turned the light off before climbing back onto the bed. There was some light streaming in from the window and he saw Richie turning on his side, his back turned towards him. Part of Eddie wanted to scoot closer and curl up around him, but instead, he turned away as well and closed his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

Waking up next to Richie was something he had been accustomed to when they were children. It wasn’t uncommon for Richie to come sneaking through his window at night when he had been unable to sleep and then slipping back out before Sonia could come in and catch him. Waking up next to him as an adult though, proved to be a whole different experience. 

At some point during the night, they had gravitated towards each other. Richie’s face was pressed against his chest as he softly snored, their arms wrapped around each other and their legs tangled. If he shifted just right, Eddie would be able to feel-

Eddie shook the thought from his head and closed his eyes again. He didn’t plan on going back to sleep, but he also wasn’t ready to pull away from the warmth of Richie’s body pressed against his own. 

He moved one of his hands up to play with Richie’s curls, running his fingers through them, careful not to tug too hard at the knot he came across. The feeling from the bathroom returned, making him think of how domestic all of this was.

Waking up next to Richie was something that he wanted to keep doing.

Richie started to stir, a snort leaving him as he pulled back, wiping his hand across his mouth and it was then that Eddie realized Richie had been drooling on his shirt. Eddie also realized that while a younger him would have been freaking out, he found himself not as grossed out as he could be.

Richie rolled away and Eddie tried not to feel so disappointed at the loss of warmth, his fingers itching to pull Richie back towards him. Richie yawned before opening his eyes and looking at Eddie, squinting a bit to be able to see him better. “Hey.”

Eddie smiled. “Morning, Rich.”

Richie blinked a couple of times before yawning again and moving closer to Eddie, throwing his arm around his waist. “You’re comfy,” Richie mumbled, his voice soft and Eddie most definitely wanted to be able to wake up like this everyday.

Eddie started to run his fingers through Richie’s hair again. “How are you feeling? You drank more than I did.”

“Like my head is about to fucking split open,” Richie answered, hugging Eddie tighter. “But laying here with you is making it much more tolerable.”

Eddie’s heart started to beat fast and with how close they were, Eddie was sure that Richie could feel it, but he didn’t say anything. He smiled, dropping his hand to Richie’s shoulder, but Richie grabbed his hand, bringing his hand back to his head. “Feels good.”

Eddie smiled again and they laid there in silence. He could smell food cooking and briefly considered saying something, but ultimately didn’t. He was sure that whoever was cooking would come and get them once breakfast was ready.

Richie’s breathing was slowing again and Eddie was sure he had fallen back asleep, not even stirring when there was a knock on the door. Eddie briefly considered pulling away, unsure if he wanted anyone to see them like this, but he called out for them to come in. 

It was Mike, wearing Richie’s apron that Richie had told him had been giving to him as a gag gift. It featured a buff chest and a penis hanging off of it and had made Eddie giggle uncontrollably when he had grabbed it one morning to make breakfast the first week he was there.

“I see that you found Richie’s apron.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear Audra’s shrieks of laughter when she saw it,” Mike said. He was looking at the lack of space between him and Richie. Whatever he was thinking, he kept it to himself. “Breakfast is ready.”

Eddie nodded. “We’ll be out in a minute.”

Mike left, closing the door behind him. Eddie touched Richie’s shoulder, giving him a gentle shake. “Rich? Hey, Richie?” Richie let out a groan, placing his hand over Eddie’s and mumbling something he couldn’t quite make out. “Hey, Mike made breakfast.”

“I don’t want to get up, I’m too comfy.” Richie opened his eyes for a second before closing them tight. “Can we just stay here?”

“What about breakfast?”

“Have them bring it in here.”

Eddie chuckled and gently pushed Richie back. “You can stay, I’m going.”

He started to sit up, but Richie’s hand shot out to keep him from going too far. “You sure you don’t want to stay?”

Eddie looked down at him, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to waste the day away in bed with Richie. He smiled softly and whispered. “More than you know.” 

He looked away before he could see the reaction from Richie and grabbed his crutch. “I’m going to eat. There’s some tylenol in my bathroom if you need it.”

Richie sighed and Eddie turned to see a look of disappointment on his face before he was burying his face in the pillow. Eddie watched him for a moment, eyes roaming over Richie, feeling an ache in his chest. He wanted to crawl back into bed with him, wanted to feel how he had felt earlier when he awoke with Richie wrapped around him, but he turned and gently closed the door, joining the others for breakfast.

“Where’s Richie?” Bill asked as Eddie took a seat.

“He has a headache,” Eddie answered. “So he’s going to sleep a little while longer.”

“Eating might help.”

“I told him that, but Richie can be stubborn, you know that,” he said, pilling food onto his plate. “This looks good, Mikey.”

“I’m hoping that it’ll taste as good as it looks too.”

“It does,” Audra piped up.

Eddie took a bite and nodded. “This is delicious.”

Mike smiled. “Thank you.”

They ate in mostly silence, Eddie occasionally glancing towards the hall to see if Richie was coming or not. As they finished, he stood up. “I should bring him a plate.”

“You’re going to actually let him eat food in your room?” Bill asked with a shocked expression on his face.

Eddie shrugged, grabbing the empty plate and filling it up. “He’s not feeling good. I’ll let it slide this one time.”

“Are you dating him?”

Eddie nearly dropped the plate as he looked up at Bill just as Audra elbowed him in the side. “What makes you ask that?”

Bill rubbed his side and said, “You and him, ever since we were kids, there was just something so different about your relationship.”

Eddie was quiet for a moment before shaking his head and answering quietly, “No, we’re not dating.”

Richie was awake when Eddie walked in, lying on his side and scrolling through something on his phone. Eddie walked over and placed the plate on the nightstand. “Don’t spill any crumbs on my bed.”

Richie looked up at Eddie in surprise. “You are going to let me eat here? You?” He slowly sat up and leaned against the headboard, eyeing the plate. “You’re not like a pod person or something right?”

“Might have to check the closet on that one,” Eddie said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Did you take anything?”

Richie nodded, reaching for the plate and taking a bite of toast. “Not too long ago. Sorry for commandeering your bed.”

Eddie just shrugged. “I can check on you easier if you’re down here anyways. Stairs are still a bitch.”

“I should really get up.”

“Eat first,” Eddie said, standing back up. “Then take a shower. You fucking reek of beer.”

“Well, I did spill it all over me,” Richie chuckled. “How are you feeling?”

“I didn’t drink nearly as much as you did,” Eddie said, turning towards the door. “I’ll check on you in a bit if you don’t come out.”

Bill and Audra left while the shower was running. Audra had an audition and Bill confessed that he had been putting off writing the next chapter of his book for too long. After they left, Eddie and Mike sat together on the couch watching some sappy movie they had randomly picked on Netflix. 

They were about ten minutes in when Richie came down the stairs, having opted to take a shower in his own bathroom. His wet hair was plastered to his face and he had on an open button up with nothing under it, giving Eddie a good view of his chest. He had to force himself to look away when Richie sat down in his recliner, kicking back and making his shirt fall even more off his chest.

He was sure that he was blushing and he gave Mike a job in the shoulder when he smirked at him. “Shut up,” He mumbled. Mike looked away, but the smirk was still there. Eddie risked another glance at Richie. He knew he shouldn’t, but he stared a bit. He had seen Ruchie shirtless a few times since they started living together, but he never really let himself look. He was starting to feel something and casually threw a hand over his lap, hoping his sweats weren’t giving away what he was thinking. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Richie answered. “What are you watching?”

“Mike picked it.”

“It was in your suggestions, I just clicked it,” Mike said. “I didn’t know you liked cheesy romance/”

“Correction,” Richie said. “I like cheesy gay romances, which this does not appear to be.”

“Whatever, it’s easy to follow with a hangover,” Eddie said, his eyes falling on Richie again. He must have been staring too long because Mike was tapping him on the shoulder. He turned and glared at his friend when he saw the smirk back on his face.

“It’s already almost three? What the fuck?”

“That’s what happens when you sleep in so late.”

Richie rubbed his forehead. “I haven’t done something like this in a long fucking time.”

“Get drunk?”

“I get drunk all the time. Or I did, before going back to Derry. There were a lot of things I did,” Richie picked at a loose string on his jeans, going quiet. “You know what? It’s Mike’s last night. Let’s all go out. No drinks this time though. I can’t sleep in tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?”

“My manager wants to see what I’ve been working on, though I have a feeling that he’s going to veto a lot of shit.”

“Because of the excessive amount of dick jokes?”

Richie laughed. “I just don’t think he’s going to like how gay I’m making it. I mean, I spent most of my career pretending to be straight, and now here I am throwing in how much I like dick, It’s going to be different.”

“But it’s more true to who you are,” Mike commented. “If people can’t accept that then find people that will.”

“Mike’s right. There’s an audience out there for you and you are a genuinely funny guy.”

Richie looked at Eddie in surprise. “Did you actually call me funny?”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” Eddie said, watching a grin appear on Richie’s face.

“Did you hear that, Mikey? Eddie actually thinks I’m funny! This is the best day ever!”

“Now I’m starting to regret telling you,” Eddie said, standing up. “I need a shower. Figure out where you guys want to go today.”

The three of them ended up finding a fair that had been set up, Eddie glad to have put on a sweater as the wind was considerably chilly. They stood just outside, staring up at the rides. 

“After what happened, do we really want to go to a fair?” Eddie asked, taking a glance at Mike and Richie. 

“That clown is fucking dead, Eds,” Richie said, though he also seemed hesitant to walk in. 

It was Mike that took the first step forward. “It’s just a fair, guys,” He said, turning to look at them when he noticed them not following. “Nothing is going to happen to us.”

“I mean there are a shit ton of things that could possibly-”

Richie suddenly took Eddie’s hand, cutting off his words. He looked up at the other man to see him smiling softly. “Mike’s right. It’s just a fair. Let’s go have some fun.”

Eddie nodded, unable to look away from Richie for a moment before the two of them walked towards the ticket booth. Richie didn’t let go of his hand until he could pay for wristbands for all of them. As they walked inside, Eddie felt Richie’s hand on his back and he moved to step closer to him as they walked. 

“So, what should we do first?”

“You want to play games, don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah, but-”

“Then let’s go play some games,” Eddie said, walking towards a balloon popping game. “We still haven’t gone against each other on your Street Fighter, so I think I’ll just kick your ass here instead.”

“Are you challenging me?”

“You gonna accept that challenge?”

“Hell yeah! Let’s go, Spaghetti. Mike you gonna get in on this?”

Mike shook his head. “I’ll play, but I’m not competing with you two.”

“Suit yourself,” Richie said as he handed a few dollars over and got a couple of darts. After a couple of games, Richie’s arms were full of the prizes that they both won. “Okay, maybe we should have done some rides before playing games. This was not a well thought out plan.” He spotted an empty table near the food court and beelined for it, dropping the prizes on the table. “You guys hungry? I spotted some cheesy fries and they look really fucking good right now. I’ll get some for us.”

Mike nodded as he and Eddie took a seat. “Drinks too.”

“Alright. I’ll be right back.”

“I saw somewhere selling bags, want me to get one for all of this?” Mike asked, gesturing towards the pile. He hadn’t played as much as them, finding more enjoyment in watching Richie and Eddie bicker instead. 

Eddie reached for his wallet and grabbed out some money. “Grab two. That way Richie isn’t carrying everything.”

Mike left and Eddie found his eyes falling on Richie, his mind shifting to earlier. The sight of Richie in his open shirt hadn’t left him while he was showering and he had gotten off to it, a hand thrown over his mouth to keep his noises muffled. He couldn’t stop thinking about having Richie in his bed, kissing down his chest and belly, showing his body as much appreciation as he could. 

His mind continued to roam over his friend’s body, imagining what was underneath all those clothes. He had seen a glimpse and he wanted to see more. Then Richie was turning around, arms full of food and pop, and Eddie quickly looked away, his cheeks burning as Richie walked over. 

“Where’s Mikey?”

“Getting us bags for all this,” Eddie mumbled, forcing his brain to think of anything else as he accepted the fries from Richie and digging in. 

“You alright?”

“I’m fine, just hungry,” Eddie lied. Richie didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push. Eddie grabbed his drink and took a sip. “I have eaten so much fucking junk since moving in with you. I would have never gotten away with this before.”

Richie popped a couple of fries in his mouth. “Oh?”

Eddie nodded. “Myra was obsessed with my health. Daily vitamins and pills, barely any red meat in our house and we never had anything that was fried.”

“Did you ever sneak anything?” Richie asked and Eddie remembered Richie clambering into his window the day after Halloween to split candy with him after learning Sonia had thrown out all of Eddie’s. Richie had always snuck him treats and other things his mother had forbidden him from having.

Eddie smiled at the memory. “Here and there, but nothing drastic. I was so tired of what she was packing me that one day I threw it out and gorged myself on McDonald’s. It was the dumbest fucking idea because I ended up sick and had to go home early that day. She did nothing but fret over me. I never did it again after that.”

“Sounds like a pretty miserable way to live.”

Eddie nodded. “It was, but now I don’t have to listen to her fretting and I can just eat whatever the fuck I want.”

Richie chuckled, spotting Mike walking back, setting two bags down on the table and sliding the change back to Eddie. “Bags! Thanks, Mikey!”

Mike smiled, sitting down next to Eddie once more and digging into his fries. “Are we gonna go on some rides after this?”

“We should let the food settle first,” Eddie said, stuffing some of his prizes into a bag. “I don’t want to throw up.”

“We could go on the ferris wheel, that won’t be too harsh of a ride,” Mike suggested.

Eddie nodded. “Alright.”

A shout of, “It is Trashmouth! I fucking told you it was him!” caught their attention and the three of them turned to see two girls who were holding hands, one of the girls gesturing wildly at Richie, having not yet noticed the multiple pairs of eyes on her. 

“Babe, shut the fuck up, they’re looking right at you.”

“What?!”

Richie chuckled when the girl who had been shouting turned to look at him, her jaw dropping and eyes wide. He beckoned her forward and patted the empty spot next to him. “Would you like to join us?”

While there had been plenty of paparazzi pictures of him and Richie together, this was the first time he had actually encountered a fan while out with him.

The shouting girl dragged the other girl over, looking dreamily at Richie. “I uh-hi?”

“Sit down,” Richie said with a smile, pushing his fries towards them. “You hungry?”

“Oh my fucking God.”

Eddie let out a snort and averted his gaze, trying his best not to laugh even more as the calmer of the two girls pushed the other next to Richie before introducing them. “Hi, I’m Michelle. This is my girlfriend, Rachel. She’s been a huge fan of you for years.”

“I’m flattered,” Richie said, smiling brightly at the two of them. “I don’t have a sharpie or else-”

“I got a pen!” Rachel shouted before clapping a hand over her mouth, her eyes going even wider. “I’m sorry. I’m just super fucking nervous right now.”

“It’s alright. You got anything for me to sign?”

Rachel started to raffle through her bag, her hands shaking as she dug around for a pen. Michelle placed a hand on her back. “Honey, you’re starting to freak out.”

“It’s fucking Trashmouth, of course I’m fucking freaking out!” Rachel hissed out, pulling out a pen and a small notebook. Eddie and Mike exchanged amused looks as Richie signed an autograph for each of them. 

“Would it be too much to ask for a picture?”

“Not at all.”

“I’ll take it,” Eddie said, holding out a hand and Michelle grabbed her phone, opening it up to the camera and handing it over. He took a couple before handing it back. Rachel thanked him profusely and Eddie smiled. “I’m just surprised to see fans, he’s really not that funny.”

Richie slapped a hand over his chest. “Eds! You wound me!”

There was laughter around the table until Michelle grabbed Rachel’s hand. “I think we’ve intruded enough and we were supposed to meet the others five minutes ago.”

Rachel nodded and turned back to Richie once more. “Thank you. You’re not as much of a dick as people make you out to be.”

“Oh I am, just ask these guys,” Richie joked, pointing at Eddie and Mike. “Anyways, I’m working on new stuff. Better stuff. So keep an eye out.”

“Oh we cannot wait!” Rachel said, standing up as Michelle gave her hand a gentle tug. “I’m glad you came out. It’s always good to see someone like me on stage. Gives me hope that one day, maybe I can be up there too.”

Eddie watched as Richie’s face softened and he smiled. Richie stood up and gave Rachel a hug. “Thank you.” He turned and grabbed a stuffed turtle from the prize puzzle and handed it over. “Here, you can have this.”

Rachel’s jaw dropped. “Really?” Richie nodded and she squealed, thanking him as Michelle dragged her away, insisting that their friends were going to think that they got lost.

Eddie watched them walk away, hand in hand and pressed close together, feeling a longing to have that with Richie. He tore his eyes away from them to look at Richie who had a big smile on his face as he shoveled prizes into the bags, humming softly. He slung one over his shoulder and looked up at the others. “You guys ready?”

They made their way over to the ferris wheel and when they got in line, the sky was starting to glow orange as the sun began to set. They stepped up for their turn and Eddie paused at the steps leading up to the ride. It was only a few steps, but Eddie tried to avoid stairs when he could.

Richie turned when he noticed Eddie wasn’t behind him. “You okay?”

Eddie nodded, knowing people were waiting for him to move. He felt Mike’s hand on his back on his back and looked over his shoulder at him. He didn’t say anything, but Mike’s hand felt comforting and it encouraged him enough to take a step, then another and another. He could hear people grumbling behind him, people making remarks, but he ignored them. He was going to be slower and he couldn’t let people’s comments cut into him.

Richie’s hand found his on the rail and Eddie looked up, seeing Richie’s smiling face. Eddie returned the smile, feeling Mike’s hand slip away from his back. He looked back down at the steps. There were only six of them, but it had felt like a whole staircase.

The three of them got a car to themselves, Richie sitting next to Eddie and Mike across from him, his phone already out to take pictures once they were high enough. As the ride started to move, he felt Richie’s arm slip around his shoulders and after a gentle tug, Eddie leaned against him, resting his head on Richie’s shoulder. About half way, Eddie felt a kiss pressed to his head. Richie’s lips lingered and Eddie smiled, feeling content. 

He heard the shutter from Mike’s phone as he took a picture and lifted his head to look at Mike who had a guilty expression on his face. “Sorry.”

Eddie half expected Richie to pull away, but he didn’t, keeping his arm tight around Eddie’s shoulders. “You’re not putting that on your travel blog are you?”

“No,” Mike answered, and Eddie felt his phone buzz in his pocket. “That was just for you guys.” He turned his phone away to take more pictures. “You looked cute.”

Eddie smiled, dropping his head back onto Richie’s shoulder and closing his eyes. Richie’s fingers hand running up and down his arm as the ride continued, gently shaking him once they reached the top. Eddie looked over the side, seeing the people down below and the beach not that far from the fair. It was a beautiful sight, but he found his gaze turned towards Richie, finding Richie was watching him.

Richie smiled softly and Eddie smiled back, his heart beating fast. He reached out and twirled his fingers through Richie’s curls. “Your hair is getting long.”

“I was thinking of cutting it soon.”

“Don’t,” Eddie said, combing his fingers through Richie’s hair. “You look good with your hair long. Cute.”

He swore that he saw a blush cross Richie’s face, but he didn’t get to see for long as Richie turned away. “I’ll uh-I’ll keep that in mind.”

The ride ended sooner than Eddie would have liked and they exited, looking for different rides.It was hard to find any all three of them could enjoy with Eddie’s injury, but they managed to cram all three of them into a teacup ride. The lack of rides he could be on irritated him, but he had fun despite that. 

Eddie grew tired after a while, feeling a slight ache in his back and dropped onto a bench. He gave a sigh and looked up at Richie and Mike. “Guys, I don’t think I can do it anymore. My back is starting to hurt.”

“Are you alright? Do you want to leave?” Richie asked, a look of concern on his face. 

“I don’t want to ruin your fun.”

“If you’re not feeling up to anymore, then we should go,” Mike said. “This was a lot of exertion.”

“You sure?”

“Let’s get out of here and get some real food,” Richie said, holding his hand out towards Eddie. Eddie took his head and Richie didn’t let go until they were back at the car.


	7. Chapter 7

“Oh that looks official,” Richie commented, slapping an envelope down in front of Eddie. He sat across from him at the table, shuffling through the rest of the mail. “Looks like it’s from your lawyer.”

Eddie closed his laptop and read the front of the envelope before tearing into it. He unfolded the papers, a bright smile on his face as he went through them. Richie noticed, setting aside some bills and fanmail. “What is it, Eds?”

“Copies of the divorce papers,” Eddie answered, turning them around and pointing at Myra’s signature. “I’m officially a single man.”

Richie jumped up from his seat and fist pumped the air. “Fuck yeah! This calls for a celebration!” Richie ran into the kitchen and came back out a moment later with two glasses and a bottle of wine. He poured them each a glass before holding them up. “To a newly single, Eds.”

Eddie accepted a glass and clinked it with Richie’s. “Even though she told me that she’d sign them, I honestly didn’t think that she would. This just feels so fucking relieving.”

“So how do you want to celebrate?”

“Honestly? I just want to go sit down and watch a movie like we planned,” Eddie answered, standing up from the table. “Bring my glass out for me, please?”

He took a seat on the couch and Richie sat next to him, holding out his wine glass. “So, you’re finally free.”

Eddie smiled and nodded, taking a long sip of his wine. “And I think I should pick the movie tonight.”

Richie looked ready to protest but just gave the remote to Eddie. “You sure you don’t want to like go to the bar or something? Oh! We could go do karaoke!”

Eddie shook his head. “I’m more than happy to just spend time with my best friend at home,” Eddie answered, clicking on his Netflix profile and looking through the movies before settling on a random horror movie. As the movie began, he felt Richie’s arm move around his shoulders and Eddie leaned into him.

It was during the second movie that they decided to put on that Eddie found himself unable to ignore a pain in his leg that had been there all day. He rubbed his calf and winced. “Fuck.”

“You alright?”

“My leg is bothering me,” Eddie answered. “It’s been bothering me all day.”

Richie frowned and leaned forward to set his glass on the coffee table before pulling Eddie’s legs into his lap. He carefully bent Eddie’s right leg, the one giving him the most trouble, and gently began to massage it. It hurt at first and Eddie squirmed, but slowly the pain began to melt away and it started to feel good. He shuffled himself, leaning back against the arm of the couch and closed his eyes as Richie worked the muscles in his leg, slowly moving up. 

A soft moan slipped out of him and for a moment, Richie stopped. Eddie held his breath, waiting for a reaction, but Richie resumed. Eddie moved his arm over his lap, hoping Richie didn’t notice the growing problem in his pants. If he did, he didn’t say anything.

Richie’s hand moved further up and Eddie bit his lip to keep any more sounds from coming out of him. His touch felt good and his mind couldn’t help but to conjure up fantasies of those hands elsewhere.

Richie reached his knee and gently massaged for a moment before stopping again. Eddie opened one eye to see Richie grinning at him. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could say anything, Richie started tickling him.

“You fucking asshole!” Eddie shrieked, his leg kicking out and almost hitting Richie in the face. One of Richie’s arms wrapped around his legs, keeping them pressed against his chest as he continued to tickle him. Eddie shrieked again, laughter falling from him as he squirmed on the couch. “Rich! Richie! Stop it! Stop it, you bastard!”

“Nope!”

Eddie’s sides hurt from laughing and he struggled to get his legs away from Richie. “Fuck you, Richie! Oh my God! Knock it off!” He swatted at Richie’s arm. “Seriously, knock it off before I piss myself!”

Richie let go of him then, lying Eddie’s legs across his lap again. He was smiling at Eddie, his hand gently running up and down his calf. “Just wanted to see you laugh, Spaghetti.”

“Then be funny fucker,” Eddie said, gently smacking his cheek with his foot. A memory floated through his mind of them in a hammock, antagonizing each other. They had almost flipped the hammock that day when he jumped into it. He remembered playfully kicking Richie in the face, remembered pulling his glasses off, taking his comic, anything to get Richie to focus on him, anything to make his heart jump the way it did whenever Richie would look at him.

Eddie smiled at Richie as he remembered how they had settled down, finding a way to sit in the hammock together without tipping it. Remembered Richie’s hand on his leg and how he had gone home later and dreamed about him.

Even then, Eddie had known that he loved Richie differently than how he loved the other Losers.

“What are you thinking about?”

Eddie shook his head and smiled again. “Nothing. Just remembering things.”

Richie smiled back, reaching for his glass again. “Good memories?”

“Very good,” Eddie answered. He watched Richie sip from his glass, watched how his throat worked as he swallowed and felt himself grow hot again. He averted his eyes and reached for his phone to distract himself from the thoughts in his head.

They sat in silence for a moment before Richie said, “You know what we should do? We should throw you a divorce party.”

“What? No.”

“Yeah! We could have like a joint party for you and Bev! Come on, it’ll be fun and it could just be us Losers. Well, with the addition of Patty and Audra. But yeah, let’s throw a party. We’ll get a cake and buy a shit ton of alcohol and play really ridiculous games like pin the tail on the Myra.”

Eddie snorted and tried to hide it, turning his face away from Richie and holding a hand over his mouth. He could see Richie grinning out of the corner of his eye. “Only if Bev agrees.”

“Yes!”

A few days later, Eddie walked into his therapist’s office and sat down. He was quiet, distracted by his thoughts of Richie. 

“Anything you want to talk about today?”

“Plenty,” Eddie answered. “I just don’t know where to start.”

“Just say the first thing that comes to mind and we’ll start with that.”

Eddie took a deep breath and slowly let it out, his fingers tapping on the arm of the couch. “I’m finding it hard to live with someone that I’m in love with.”

“Does he not return your affections?”

“I think he does? I mean, there are so many days where I feel like we could be something, but I also feel like I need to focus on me before anything. I know there’s a lot that I still need to work on.”

“Taking time for yourself can be a good thing and your sessions have shown a great improvement in your attitude towards yourself and your outlook in life. You have changed a lot since you first sat down with me.”

Eddie gave a soft sigh, shifting in the chair and staring down at the carpet. “There’s something else that bothers me when I think about dating though.”

“And what would that be?”

Eddie bit his lip, his eyes darting around the room. “I’m a cripple. I can’t…” he trailed off and shook his head. He felt suddenly anxious and after a couple of deep breaths, he said, “I’m worried about sex.”

“People with disablitlues can have a very heathly sex life. There are adjusetments that would need to be made and you would have to have a conversation with your partner about it, but there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to have an enjoyable sex life. You could talk to your doctor about it if you’re unsure about anything. I think they would answer any concerns or questions you may have about it.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to have sex with someone like me? What if he doesn’t want to be with a disabled man? Even if he had feelings for me, I don’t know how anyone could want me.”

“I think if someone really truly loves you, then your disability wouldn’t matter to them. Has he shown any indication that your disability would be a problem?”

Eddie sat there and thought for a long moment. Richie had been by his side ever since before he awoke in the hospital. He was there for everything, even his first step out of his wheelchair. Then he had offered his home and made modifications to it so it would be more accessible to him.

“He’s only ever been supportive.”

“Then it doesn’t sound like it would be a problem to him.”

“But would it be too much too soon? The divorce just went through and I’m still adjusting to everything.”

“I can’t answer that question for you, Eddie,” She said. “That is something you need to decide for yourself. Do you think that you could handle a relationship at this point in your life?”

Eddie took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I love him and I can’t stop thinking about a future with him.”

“You don’t have to rush into it, but this is something that you need to think about. This would be another change in your life, and if you think that you are ready, then I don’t think you need to hold yourself back. Being in a relationship won’t make everything better, but I think you know that.”

Eddie nodded. “I know it won’t solve everything, but I do know that I love him and that I’ve loved him since we were kids.” Eddie sighed. “I don’t know what to do right now.”

“And that’s okay. You don’t have to know right now. Give it time. Think it over. You don’t have to make a decision right away.”

Eddie nodded. “Okay.”

Richie booked a gig at a small comedy bar near them, one he used to go to when he first started out, and was still good friends with the owner. He had told Eddie he wanted to start small again, test out his new jokes before he started a new tour.

Being only a few days from the divorce party, Beverly and Ben sat with Eddie at a table close to the stage. 

“This definintely sounds so much better than those specials on Netflix,” Beverly said, taking a swing of her beer as chuckling as Richie spoke about stereotypes, something drawn from the numerous comments online stating Richie couldn’t possible be gay because he didn’t ‘look’ it. “We watched one, but it was just cringey so we turned it off. This sounds much more genuine.”

“He fired the writers and had a whole argument with his manager,” Eddie said, smiling softly as Richie looked towards their table. Eddie gave him a little wave and Richie broke out into a smile, before continuing with his act. “He said he’s done living a lie. It was making him miserable.”

“I’m sure you’re a big reason for him not being miserable anymore.”

Eddie ignored the comment and focused on Richie. Richie kept looking towards him and each time their eyes met, Eddie felt his heart flutter. 

“I know my sense of fashion sucks,” Richie said, running his fingers through his hair and pulling it out of his face. “But I happen to enjoy my shirts and that’s all that really matters.” He gestured towards the shirt he had put on for the show, it was patterned in cat butts and had Eddie nearly losing it when he came out of the dressing room with it on. “And I will have you know that I have my best friend cackling when I modeled this for him. Yes, I said modeled. We went out shopping and I thought it would be fun to try on the most ridiculous I could find. This is one of them.”

Richie brushed his hair out of his face again. “Ah fuck it. Anyone got an extra hair tie?” Richie asked, sitting down on the edge of the stage. A few people shot their hands up and he randomly pointed. “Alright, you. Can I borrow it?”

A girl ran up to the stage and Richie set his mic down a little too hard, the sound reverberating through the room. Richie made an apologetic face and shouted out he was sorry as he tied his hair back. “Thank you for that,” He said, once he picked the mic back up, “This was starting to get annoying. I don’t ever keep it this long.”

Someone shouted, asking him why he didn't just cut it and Richie beamed. “Because a super attractive guy told me that I looked cute!”

Eddie felt his face flush as he stared wide eyed at the stage while Richie continued his act. Beverly nudged him. “Attractive guy?!?!” She hissed out at him. “Was that you?”

“I mean, I did tell him he looked good but…” Eddie trailed off, not knowing what to think. Was Richie trying to give him a hint? He shook his head and looked at Beverly. “I don’t know.”

“Honey, I think he’s trying to tell you something.”

“How do you know it’s not just a bit though?”

Ben, who had been silent, said, “Eddie, have you ever considered that he might be waiting for you to make a move?” Both Eddie and Beverly turned towards Ben, who was quiet for a moment before continuing, “You’ve been through a lot Eddie. He might not know where you stand on a relationship.”

“My therapist told me to take time and think about it before I make a decision,” Eddie said, dragging his own water closer. He had chosen not to drink, but was starting to feel like he needed something. “I mean, you’re right, Ben. I have been through a lot. We all have.”

“Which is more of a reason to do something that will make you happy,” Beverly said.

“I am happy, much happier than I have in a long time.”

Beverly just smiled softly and wrapped an arm around Eddie, turning back to look at the stage. She didn’t seem like she was going to push further and Eddie was glad. This was a decision he needed to make on his own.

Once the show was over, Richie thanked everyone before jumping down and making his way to the table where the trio sat. “Well? What did you guys think?”

Eddie stood up and hugged him. “You were amazing, Rich.”

Richie returned the hug, Beverly and Ben soon joining in. “Thank you.” Eddie felt a soft kiss pressed to the side of his head. He smiled, hugging Richie tighter.


	8. Chapter 8

“STAN THE MAN!!” Richie screeched, launching himself at Stan and pulling him into a tight hug. Stan returned the hug, holding him just as tightly. “I know we talk on the phone, but fuck have I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Trashmouth,” Stan said, pulling back to smile at Richie. He patted him on the cheek before turning to Eddie. Eddie walked towards him and they were hugging, neither one of them wanting to let go. If things had been different, if they hadn’t been helped in time, then neither of them would be standing where they were right now. “You look good, Eddie.”

Eddie pulled back, smiling at him and looking him over. “You too, Stan. You look amazing.”

Patty stepped besides Stan. “So, I finally get to meet the last two Losers.”

“You’re married to Stan, that makes you an honorary Loser now,” Richie said, holding a hand out for her to shake. “Though you are far too beautiful for someone like Stan.”

“Beep Beep, Richie,” Stan said, though there was a smile on his face. He wrapped his arm around Patty and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Patty smiled at him fondly. “And you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Richie pretended to fake vomit and Stan gave him a punch in the arm. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Sorry, I’m allergic to lovey dovey bullshit.”

Stan rolled his eyes and pushed passed Richie. “This is a much nicer place than I was expecting.”

“Even nicer now that Eddie moved in. I have a maid that comes in every week, but this guy insists that we still need to clean in between.”

“You actually make him clean?” Stan asked, looking impressed.

“Clean as in not leaving his fucking dishes everywhere? Then yes,” Eddie laughed. “There's some things that I can’t do by myself, so I make him help me. Like I’ll wash the dishes and he’ll put them away or he’ll sweep and I’ll get the Swiffer out.”

Stan turned towards Richie and grinned. “Wow, that’s pretty fucking domestic.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Richie said, crossing his arms over his chest. “We live together and if he wants it cleaner, then I’ll help.”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all,” Stan replied. “So, where are Patty and I staying?”

“I’ll show you,” Richie said, grabbing their bags by the door and heading down the hall. “Bev and Ben are staying too, but they’ve already claimed my room so you’re stuck in the guest room. Mike’s gonna go home with Bill and Audra.”

“I remember your bedroom, I’d much rather take the guest room.”

“You say that now, but my bed is much more comfy!”

Eddie smiled at them, watching Richie lead them through the house before feeling a hand on his shoulder and turning to see Beverly. “So where is Richie staying while they’re here?”

“My room most likely,” Eddie answered. “The bed is big enough.” He could see a smile forming on her face and shook his head. “Bev, don’t.”

“I mean, if you’re gonna share a bed.”

“We’ve already shared my bed.”

“What?! When?!”

“While Mike was staying, Bill and Audra were too drunk to drive home so they got Richie’s bed and Richie stayed with me.”

“And?”

“And what? We were just sleeping!”

“Was it nice?”

Eddie was quiet for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. It was nice.”

Beverly smiled. “I just want you to be happy, Eddie. You know that right?”

“I am happy, Bev. Richie and I, it won’t matter what our relationship is. He’s my best friend and that’s all that really matters.” He spotted Richie walking back down the hall and quickly added, “I’ll tell him when I’m ready.”

“Okay,” Beverly said, pulling him in for a tight hug. “You’d be good together. I know you would.”

“Thanks,” He said, returning the hug before making his way to the kitchen to help Mike and Audra with the snacks.

The party kicked off not long after. Eddie hadn’t had many friends in New York, at least no one he would consider himself very close to, so he hadn’t invited anyone. Beverly had invited some of her friends, including a friend named Kay that Eddie liked immediately, and Richie had some of his comedian friends come over as well. 

Richie and Beverly had found some games while planning the party, one of them involving a recreation of Beverly’s dress and Eddie’s suit. They had set the outfits up in the backyard and Eddie watched in amusement as people threw paint at them, covering them in orange and pink and green, the colors mixing until you could barely tell what colors they had been to begin with.

“Go throw some paint on it,” Richie said, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. 

“This is going to be a fucking mess to clean up, you know that right?”

“Don’t worry about the mess and go destroy it, Eds.”

Eddie stared at the suit for a long moment before going down the small ramp on the porch. He grabbed a pair of scissors on a table nearby and stood in front of his suit, just staring at it. Paint was dripping off of it, mixing onto the large tarp underneath. 

It barely looked recognizable, but Eddie could still see himself in it. It hadn’t been the actual suit he had worn, but his memory of his wedding was still clear in his head. He had felt sick all day, feeling hot and sweaty in the suit, wanting nothing more than for the day to be done with. He had faked a smile all day, not once feeling a single bit of happiness, only stress and disgust at himself everytime he had looked down at the ring Myra had placed on his finger. 

He took the scissors and stabbed at the suit, dragging the blades through the fabric and ripping it. Getting the divorce papers had lifted a huge weight off his shoulders, but as he stood there ripping at the suit, he started to feel free. Free of his repression, free of his hatred of himself, free of the words ingrained into his head from every bully, free of everything his mother had ever said to him to make him doubt his own feelings. He wasn’t dirty. He wasn’t going to get sick from loving another man. He wasn’t going to listen to the voices anymore. He refused to let any of that affect his life going forward. He was going to be Eddie, and Eddie was going to do whatever made him the happiest. 

He took a step back, looking at the shredded suit before him and took a deep breath, then slowly exhaling, feeling lighter. A hand rested on his lower back and he turned to see Richie standing beside him. “How are you feeling?” Richie asked, looking down at him with a soft smile. 

“Like it’s my fucking life now.”

Richie pulled him in for a hug, the two of them holding each other for a long moment before Richie pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and took a step back. “I’m proud of you.”

Eddie smiled up at him. “Thanks, Rich.”

“Beverly wants to open up the gifts. Are you ready to do the same?”

“Did you get me something ridiculous?”

“Who would I be if I didn’t?” Richie chuckled, taking Eddie’s hand and walking back up to the house, not letting go until they were in the front room.

Eddie and Beverly sat next to each other on the couch with everyone spread out across the front room. The gifts sat in front of them on the coffee table and Eddie grabbed a gift, reading it the tag and handing it over to Beverly when he saw it was addressed to her. “Here, you go first.”

Beverly accepted it and glanced to see who it was from before ripping the wrapping paper off and immediately giggling uncontrollably. “Kay!” Beverly laughed, holding up to reveal penis shaped lipsticks in multiple colors. “Ben might get jealous!”

Ben, who was standing behind her, leaned down to press a kiss on her cheek before whispering something in her ear that had her laughing harder. “Oh! Oh yes! Let’s do that!” She sat aside the gift. “Thank you, Kay.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie.”

Eddie looked for a gift addressed to him, seeing his name on a gift bag and setting it in his lap. “Okay, so this is from Mike.” He pulled out the tissue paper and glanced inside, smiling as he lifted out a grow your own boyfriend gag gift, showing it around, earning some laughter. Reaching back inside, he found a set of four shot glasses, each one in the shape of a buff male torso. He held them up and smiled at Mike. “Thanks, Mikey.”

He and Beverly continued to go back and forth opening gifts, all of them silly and ridiculous, but had them all laughing. Finally, there were only a few left and Eddie reached out, finding one from Richie. He smiled up at him before ripping into it, unable to contain his laughter as he looked at a coffee mug decorated in several cartoon pensis. There were several different kinds, some erect, some soft and a couple holding pride flags. “Richie? What the fuck?”

“I told you it was ridiculous,” Richie said with a grin. “Do you like it?”

Eddie was finding it hard to breathe from how much he had been laughing at all the gifts and wheezed out, “Yes. I’m gonna use it tomorrow!” Richie beamed at him and jumped onto the couch next to him, wrapping his arms around him. Eddie returned the embrace. “Thank you.”

Once all the gifts were opened, everyone chilled around the front room, breaking off into groups to chat. Richie stayed next to Eddie, helping him pick up the wrapping paper to throw away. “Want me to go put these in your room?”

Eddie nodded. “Set them on my dresser for now. Grab me a drink when you come back?”

“Of course,” Richie said, standing up. He left and returned a few minutes later with a wine glass for Eddie. “Are you having fun?” He asked as he sat back down next to him, cracking open the beer in his hand. Beverly had gotten up from the couch, leaving Richie plenty of space to sit, but he still chose to sit close to Eddie, their thighs touching.

Eddie nodded, looking down at the lack of pace between them. He sighed and leaned against Richie, catching Beverly’s eyes and seeing her smile. “Yeah, I’m having a great time.”

“Good,” Richie said, wrapping an arm around Eddie and gently rubbing his side. “I’m glad.” Eddie felt the vague press of lips against his head and his heart fluttered as he melted more into Richi’s hold. Eddie took a sip of his wine, feeling content and happy, taking Richie’s hand with his free hand and threading their fingers together. Eddie knew people were watching them and was sure he was going to have to answer a million questions, but for now, he just let himself relax and enjoy the feel of Richie so close to him.

Richie didn’t leave his side until Beverly announced that she wanted cake. 

“Yes, I would like to see what Richie came up with,” Eddie said, giving Richie a gentle push. “Go get the cake.”

“Bossy,” Richie said, grinning at Eddie and pinching his cheek, making Eddie smack at his hand. “Don’t worry, I didn’t make it too obscene. Ben wouldn’t let me.”

Together, Richie and Ben grabbed the cakes, setting them down on the coffee table in front of Eddie and Beverly. The boxes were opened at the same time to reveal two similar cakes that said ‘Happy Divorce!’ and an image of a burning marriage certificate. 

“You like?” Richie asked. 

“Not what I was expecting from you, but yes,” Eddie answered. “I like it.”

After a couple of hours, the party started to die down and people began to leave until the only people left were the Losers. Not having seen Richie for a while and feeling a little tired, Eddie made his way back towards the back porch. The sliding door was open and he could hear Stan and Richie talking. 

“Why don’t you just say something?”

Eddie took a couple steps closer. Richie was leaning against the rail, a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. Stan was standing next to him, reaching for the joint.

“It’s complicated,” Richie sighed.

“How is it complicated? You’re in love with him.”

Eddie froze. Richie was in love? He briefly considered staying silent and eavesdropping, wanting to hear if it was him, but as Richie opened his mouth to answer,Eddie walked onto the porch. Richie’s eyes landed on him and his eyes went wide, looking a little afraid. He snapped his mouth shut as Stan took another deep drag of the joint. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Stan said, blowing out some smoke.

Eddie smiled at Stan before looking back up at Richie. “I didn’t know you were interested in someone.”

Richie nervously looked away, chugging down the rest of his beer. It was Stan who spoke up. “Yeah, and he won’t say anything.”

Richie glared at Stan. “Shut the fuck up.”

Stan ignored him, holding the joint out towards Richie and taking a step towards Eddie. “You know what? I think you’re the perfect person to settle this.”

Richie paled. “St-Stan, don’t.”

Stan waved him off. “Do you think Richie should tell this person that he loves him?”

Eddie looked down, feeling his heart sink. If Stan was asking him his opinion, then whoever Richie was interested in wasn’t him. He exhaled a breath and looked up again, his eyes settling on Richie. “Does this person like you back?”

“I think so. He hasn’t said anything, but there are days that I feel like he does.”

Eddie nodded. He couldn’t give Richie bad advice just because of his own feelings and said, “You deserve to be happy, Richie.” He forced a smile on his face. “If they like you too, then why not give it a shot?”

Richie looked lost for a moment before nodding. “Okay.”

“Why not do it right now then?”

They both looked at Stan and Richie shook his head. “No. No. Absolutely not. That is a terrible fucking idea.”

“You heard what Eddie said.”

“He’s been drinking! And so have I! Plus, I’m high! It’s not going to happen!”

Eddie stared at Richie again. “He’s here?”

Richie looked mortified and glared at Stan again. “Fuck you.”

Stan just smiled and patted Richie on the shoulder. “Won’t be too long now.” He looked down at his drink and sighed. “I need a refill.”

Stan left, leaving the two of them alone together. Neither one of them spoke for several moments, an eerie silence falling over them. Eddie looked down at the ground for a long moment and when he finally looked up at Richie, he saw how uncomfortable he looked. 

“Who is it?” Eddie asked, the words slipping out before he could stop them. He wasn’t ready to hear it, but he also felt a need to know, and he wondered if things would be the same between them once Richie asked this man out.

Richie looked surprised for a moment and opened his mouth to speak before closing it and shaking his head, crushing his joint on the railing and pushing off of it. “Not tonight, Eds. I can’t do this tonight.”

Eddie frowned, but didn’t push. He followed Richie inside, the two of them separating once they reached the living room. Eddie walked over to Mike, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. Mike frowned as he turned towards him. “Are you alright, Eddie?”

“Can we talk?” Eddie whispered.

Mike nodded and they walked into his room, sitting in silence for a long moment. Mike reached out and placed his hand on Eddie’s. “What’s wrong?”

Eddie took a deep breath before saying, “I think that maybe I missed my chance? Or maybe I’ve just misread everything?” He looked up at Mike. “I overheard Richie and Stan talking and Richie is in love with someone.”

Mike looked surprised. “Did he say who?”

Eddie shook his head. “He wouldn’t answer. He did let it slip that it was someone who was here, or maybe someone who had been here.” Eddie frowned and looked down at his feet. “It’s probably one of those comedians he invited. I don’t know why I ever entertain the idea of him loving me back.”

Mike was quiet for a long moment before saying, “Maybe he’s just not ready to tell you yet.”

“Has he said anything to you?”

“Even if he did, you know it wouldn’t be my place to say something,” Mike said, reaching out to take Eddie’s hand. “I do know one thing though, Eddie.”

Eddie lifted his head to look up at Mike. “What’s that?”

“I’ve seen the way that he looks at you and I don’t think you should dismiss yourself quite yet,” Mike said, wrapping Eddie up in a tight hug. “I know you’ve said that you weren’t ready, but I don't think that you should give up either. You’re a great guy, Eddie, and you deserve to be happy.”

“What if I am too late though? Or what if he doesn’t love me the way I love him? What if this changes everything?”

“I don’t think you should think that way,” Mike answered, hugging him tighter. “Don’t give up. Promise me you won’t.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, but he returned Mike’s embrace and they sat there hugging for a while. When he did pull away with a yawn, he pointed towards his dresser. “Will you bring me something to sleep in please? I want to go to bed.”

“You want me to trade out with Richie tonight?” Mike asked as he stood up. 

“I’ll be fine, Mikey,” Eddie said. “Hopefully, I’ll be out before he even gets in here.”

“Okay.”

Mike handed over a pair of pajamas before giving him one last hug. “You sure you’ll be okay?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Mike.”

“Anytime, Eddie.”

Mike left and Eddie laid down. Though he was exhausted, he found himself unable to sleep and flipped on a Netflix show to try to keep his mind off of Richie. He had dozed off during the second episode and woke up when he heard the bedroom door open. He blinked his eyes open and looked to see Richie standing there looking nervous.

“Did I wake you?” Richie asked, softly.

Eddie yawned and closed out of Netflix. “I wasn’t asleep for long. Rich?”

“Yeah?”

“I know you said not tonight, but will you tell me who he is eventually?”

Richie looked at him nervously for a second before saying, “When I’m ready, you’ll know.”

Eddie briefly considered telling him then, just to put it out there, but then he remembered Richie’s comment about being drunk. This was not the time to confess anything.

So he nodded and closed his eyes, slipping back to sleep as Richie climbed into bed. The last thing he remembered was an arm slipping around his waist and a gentle kiss pressed to his shoulder. In the morning, Eddie would wonder if he had been dreaming.


	9. Chapter 9

Eddie got a few boxes addressed to him from Myra a few weeks after the divorce party. Richie brought them into the bedroom and Eddie sat on the bed to look through him, aware of the fact that Richie was shuffling nervously by the door. 

“You want my help?”

He paused and looked up at Richie. Things had become strained between them after the party. Despite Mike’s advice, Eddie had found himself distancing himself from Richie to prepare himself for the inevitable heartbreak when Richie admitted to being in love with another man. So Eddie had found other ways to occupy his time, sometimes taking his laptop outside to watch shows, or sitting in the recliner instead of on the couch when he and Richie were in the living room together. He had thought it would make it easier, but Eddie had found himself missing Richie instead.

He gave Richie a soft smile and nodded. “Yeah, I would love some help.”

Richie seemed to visibly relax and sat down next to him. “You uh-have you been okay lately?”

Eddie sighed as he cut the tape off the box in front of him. “There’s been a lot on my mind,” he answered. “And a lot of shit I needed to think about.” He looked up at Richie, feeling his heart ache and his mind scream at him to tell him how he felt. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to push you away.”

“It’s alright. It just got a little lonely,” Richie said, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, reminding Eddie of nights spent together on the Tozier’s rooftop, staring up at the stars. When they were alone as kids, Richie had become a much different person, more vulnerable. “I know that sounds stupid considering we live together, but it’s what I felt.”

“It’s not stupid,” Eddie said softly, reaching out to place a hand on Richie’s knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I missed you too.”

Richie smiled. “You want to talk about it? What you were thinking about?”

Eddie shook his head. “I mean I do, but…” He trailed off.

“You still need time to think?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” He dropped his hand and gave a sigh. “Alright, let's go through this shit. I told Myra she could keep whatever she wanted, so this has to be the stuff that was in my room.”

Richie nodded and put on one of his Spotify lists as they got started. A couple of boxes were just clothes, which Richie helped put away. The third box had things he and Myra had kept after his mother died. A set of china, some photo albums and her old jewelry.

Eddie pursed his lips as he looked down at the gaudy costume jewelry. “She’s the one that wanted this.”

“She probably didn’t want something to remind her of you,” Richie commented, grabbing a ring and slipping it onto his pinkie. “I, on the other hand, would love a memento of my first love.”

Eddie scoffed. “Throw it out. It’s awful.”

“You sure, Eds? I mean, wouldn’t Sonia have wanted me to have a little piece of her? We did have a torrid love affair that one sweet, sweet summer.”

“I swear to God that I will push you off this fucking bed if you don’t knock it off.”

Richie laughed and pulled the ring off, setting the jewelry aside to throw out later. Though towards the bottom, he pulled out a lone tarnished gold ring that looked far too small for Sonia’s large fingers. “Eds? What about this one?”

Eddie took the ring and smiled sadly. “It was my father’s.” He placed it on his nightstand, next to a picture they found from when he was still a baby and in the arms of an older man. He had often wondered how different his life would have been if his father had never died. “This one I’ll keep.”

Another box was opened to reveal several books, one of them being one of Bill’s earliest. There was also an old yearbook shoved in the bottom. Eddie pulled it out to see ‘89 Derry High School Yearbook written across the front. 

The yearbook had seen better days and was covered in a layer of dust. Eddie gently wiped it away and stared down at the faded cover, feeling Richie lean against him. “Is that?”

Eddie nodded and opened the book, running his fingers over the autograph page. There were only three signatures, as there had only been four Losers at the time. He didn't even remember having the yearbook, but somehow it had followed him out of Derry.

Richie’s signature took up a whole page, leaving a ridiculous note that started with ‘Eddie My Love,’ a reference to a song he used to tease him with from a vinyl his parents used to play.

“Holy shit. I don’t even know where mine is,” Richie said, taking the book from him. “I’m sure mom probably still has it in a box somewhere but I don’t even remember the last time I looked at it.” 

Richie started to look through it, finding their grade. “Aww, look at you!” Richie said, pinching Eddie’s cheek. “You were so cute! Cute, cute, cute!”

“Ugh. I hated when you did that,” Eddie said, swatting his hand away. Richie chuckled and started to turn the page, but Eddie suddenly remembered what was on the page with Richie and quickly snatched it away, slamming it shut.

Richie looked at him with an amused look. “Something embarrassing?”

“Yes,” Eddie said, shoving the yearbook into the nightstand before Richie could press him about looking.

“A crush? I think I put a bunch of hearts around mine.”

“You had a crush on someone in our year?”

“Maybe. Were you crushing on someone in our year?” Richie asked, bumping Eddie’s shoulder with his own. 

Eddie could remember sitting on his bed as the radio played, the book opened to the page with Richie’s picture as he doodled hearts around him. He had had his cast then and had been missing his friends terribly, especially Richie. Then Richie had startled him that night, showing up at his window. Eddie had been so sure that he had been caught, but Richie hadn’t seen what he had been doing and Eddie had managed to shove the book between the bed and the wall before Richie could see. 

Eddie looked up at Richie and smiled softly. “Maybe.”

Richie pulled back and tapped his lips, looking amused. “I wonder who little Eddie Kaspbrak could have had a crush on.”

“Like I’d tell you.”

“Mine was my first love.”

“You loved them?”

Richie nodded, the smile on his face faltering for a second. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times but before either of them could say anything, the song changed and ‘Africa’ began to play. His face lit up and he jumped off the bed, nearly tripping over one of the boxes. “Eds! It’s our song!”

Eddie laughed. He and Richie had spent several nights with ‘Africa’ on repeat after Richie had scraped up enough money for the cassette. It had truly become their song and long after he left Derry, there was a sense of nostalgia and longing when he heard it, though he could never place why.

Richie gently pushed the boxes out of the way with his feet and held out a hand towards Eddie. “Dance with me.”

“What? No!”

“Please?” Richie pouted. “We used to dance to this all the time!”

“We were much younger then. Besides, I can’t dance with a crutch.”

“I won’t let you fall,” Richie said, his face softening. His hand stayed outstretched but he made no move to help Eddie up, leaving Eddie to make the decision.

Eddie looked up at him and felt his heart flutter in his chest before he was scooting to the edge of the bed and taking Richie’s hand. Richie helped him up and pulled him close, swaying gently to the music. Eddie wrapped his arms around him, letting most of his weight fall against Richie as they danced. 

“You know, this isn’t really a slow dancing song,” Eddie muttered.

Richie chuckled. “No. It really isn’t. You want to change it up?”

Eddie shook his head, resting his head against Richie’s shoulder, feeling content. “No.”

When the song changed again, Eddie heard yet another familiar tune. Richie laughed and started to sing along, “Eddie my love, I love you so. How I longed for you, you’ll never know…” Eddie lifted his head as Richie sang and Richie smiled down at him, Eddie feeling a flutter in his chest once more. “Do you remember this song?”

“I remember you constantly teasing me with it,” Eddie said, watching the expression change on Richie’s face.

“Who said I was teasing?” Richie whispered and they stopped swaying, staring at one another. Eddie was aware of the lack of distance between them and was sure that Richie could feel just how fast his heart was pounding. Richie’s eyes flickered down to Eddie’s lips and Eddie couldn’t breathe.

“I thought you said you were in love with someone?” Eddie managed to get out, finding it hard to think. 

“I’ve been in love with the same person for nearly thirty years,” Richie confessed, one of his hands coming up to cup Eddie’s cheek. “It wasn’t until that summer that it really solidified. I even carved our initials on the kissing bridge. I couldn’t tell anyone, but I couldn't keep it inside either.”

“Rich..” Eddie whispered. There were a million thoughts running through his head, but none of them would form into words. He needed to ask. He needed to be sure. Instead, Eddie pulled Richie down until their lips were only inches apart and waited. His heart was threatening to burst out of his chest and his mind was screaming at him, but he didn’t move giving Richie the chance to pull away.

When he didn’t, Eddie closed the distance between them, sliding their lips together in a soft kiss. It lasted for barely a second, but it had Eddie’s head buzzing. He let out a soft breath as they parted, both of them standing there for a moment before they were diving back in for another kiss. 

He clung to Richie as they kissed, holding him tightly. He had spent so long dreaming about them together, that he almost wondered if this was just another fantasy. 

Richie’s hands slid down his sides and suddenly he was lifted up. Eddie let out a gasp wrapping his legs around Richie’s waist feeling something hard and hot pressed against him. His fingers dug into Richie’s shoulders. Was this really happening?

“Is this alright?” Richie whispered softly, looking at Eddie as though he was afraid that he had just made a mistake.

Eddie nodded. “Yes.”

“Do you want to continue this on the bed?”

“God, yes,” Eddie breathed out, kissing Richie again. Dream or not, he had wanted this for so long, despite all his doubts.

Richie walked the few steps to the bed and gently laid Eddie on it before crawling over him, holding himself above Eddie. Eddie’s heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t help but to smile as he looked up at Richie. He looked beautiful.

He reached up to touch Richie’s face. “Rich, this is really happening, right? I’m not dreaming?”

“If it is a dream, then we’re sharing the same one,” Richie said. “I’m in love with you, Eddie. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, and even though I forgot you, I still loved you.”

Eddie yanked him down for another kiss. “I love you too. I’ve always loved you.”

They kissed again, desperately this time, their hands wandering and grabbing, both of them wanting to be sure that the other was really there, that they were really kissing. Eddie pulled Richie flush against him, letting out a soft moan as he felt his hardness pressed against him. He held Richie tight, fingers digging into his skin, his brain having a hard time processing that Richie was actually in bed with him and kissing him. 

“Fuck, Richie,” Eddie gasped as Richie’s lips attacked his neck, kissing and biting, leaving marks on him. “Fuck, this is really happening.” His fingers tangled in Richie’s hair, gripping the curls tightly and his hips bucking up suddenly as Richie found a spot under his ear. 

Richie groaned and pulled back, dropping his head to Eddie’s shoulder for a moment. “Eds,” he whispered. “Eddie, I need-I need to know that this is something that you actually want. I need to hear it from you.” He lifted his head to look down at Eddie and it struck Eddie how vulnerable he looked right then and just how guarded he normally kept himself. Though he had seen Richie’s mask slip before, this was a completely new side that he had never witnessed. “This. Us. I can’t have this be a one time thing between us. I can’t have you waking up tomorrow and regretting this. I-I’ve loved you for far too long.”

Eddie reached up to cup Richie’s face, his thumb gently moving along his stubble. He had spent so long denying himself this and now that he had Richie in front of him, he couldn’t imagine letting him go. “I want you, Richie,” he said. “I want this. I want us. I want everything that you’re willing to give me. I want to be yours.”

“I want to be yours too, Eddie,” Richie said softly, leaning down for another kiss. Their kisses changed, becoming slower, the earlier desperation dissipating and being replaced with a whole different emotion. 

One of Richie’s hands found his hip and slid down, wrapping Eddie’s leg around him before giving an experimental thrust. Eddie gasped against Richie’s lips. “Is this alright?” Richie whispered and Eddie nodded, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck as they kissed again, Richie starting a slow grind against him. 

They moaned, Eddie moving to meet each thrust. He dropped his hands down to the bottom on Richie’s shirt and pushed it up. Richie sat back up to pull it off and Eddie looked up at him in awe, his fingers moving along his soft belly and following the trail of hair upwards towards his chest, mapping him out. Richie took his hands, threading their fingers together and pressing a kiss to both of Eddie’s hands. 

“I want to have sex with you,” Eddie blurted out, the statement surprising both of them. They were both silent for a moment before Richie was grinning.

“Yeah?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah.”

Richie leaned down to kiss him again. “I want to have sex with you too.” He pressed a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “Pretty sure my first ever wet dream involved you.”

“No it didn’t.”

Richie nodded. “I realized I was gay so young because of you, Eddie. You were my first crush.”

Eddie smiled and touched Richie’s cheek. “So, how should we do this?” As much as he fantazied about the many ways to have sex with Richie, he needed to know how Richie wanted it. “I mean, I never went very far with anyone before.”

“Honestly, I’ve told myself I would do whatever you wanted,” Richie said, rolling to lay beside Eddie, his fingers drawing shapes along Eddie’s stomach. “How do you want this to go?”

“I just want you, Rich,” Eddie said. “Do you have any lube or condoms?”

Richie nodded. “Yeah. I haven’t been with anyone in a few years, but I do have toys I use them with.”

“Toys?”

“Yeah,” Richie answered, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “I keep them hidden deep in my closet. I uh-I used to feel so guilty after using them. So I hid them. I spent so many years making myself pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of.”

Eddie took Richie’s hand and brought it up to his lips to press a kiss to it. “We don’t have to hide anymore, Richie.”

Richie shook his head, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to Eddie’s lips. “No, we don’t.” He gave him another kiss before pulling away again. “Do you want me to go get that stuff?”

Eddie nodded and let go of Richie, sitting up as he left the room. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, feeling nervous and a little overwhelmed. He tried to calm himself by taking a few more deep breaths and looking around his room.

There were still a couple of boxes on the bed and he put them on the floor before he decided to take his clothes off. He pulled his pants off first, tossing them aside before peeling off his socks. It was as he reached for his shirt that he stopped himself. He had seen Richie’s eyes on his scar before, remembered the night they had first shared a bed together, and decided it was best to keep it hidden for now. He didn’t need it ruining the moment. 

When Richie came back in, he paused as he looked at him. “Getting started without me?”

“Got a little impatient,” Eddie said as Richie crawled onto the bed. He wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. He had already decided that he would never tire of kissing Richie and wanted to do it as much as possible. “You got everything?”

Richie nodded, holding up the half used bottle of lube and a couple of condoms. “Got it.”

“You said it’s been a while, are those still good?” Eddie asked, pointing to the condoms.

“Yeah, I uh, I actually use them on my toys. It made cleaning up a hell of a lot easier.”

The image of Richie fucking himself with a dildo ran through his head and he stuttered out, “Oh, that’s pretty smart.”

“The funny part was that it was this little voice in the back of my head telling me of all the germs that could develop on them and stuff that made me start doing it.”

Eddie laughed. “So even though you forgot me, you remembered how much I hated germs.”

“Yeah, I guess I did.”

Eddie kissed him again, moving his hands down to Richie’s pants and undoing the top button. “I think you should get naked now.”

Richie let out a laugh. “Oh? Does that mean that you will also be getting naked?” He reached for the bottom of Eddie’s shirt and Eddie froze. “Eds?”

Eddie placed a hand over Richie’s. “Maybe we don’t take my shirt off.”

Richie frowned. “This is about your scar, isn’t it?”

“You don’t like it.”

“I felt guilty about it, I told you that, but I don’t feel that so much anymore,” Richie said, moving his hand up to rest over the scar. “It’s like you said, this is better than one of us being dead.”

Eddie let out a shaky breath and nodded. Richie’s hand moved down again and he pushed Eddie’s shirt up. He felt his heart start to beat faster as his chest was revealed, the scar cutting through the small mess of hair, leaving a bare section that cut right through the trail. Richie leaned down and pressed a kiss against it. 

He gave Eddie a gentle push and Eddie laid back, Richie crawling over him. Slowly, Richie started to trail kisses down his chest and down his stomach, moving closer and closer to the waistband of his underwear, Eddie lifting himself up on his elbows to watch.

Richie moved to settle between Eddie’s legs, his fingers dipping under the waistband. He looked up at Eddie. “Can I?”

Eddie nodded and watched as Richie tugged his underwear off, tossing it aside. Eddie’s breathing got heavier as a hand wrapped around his cock and Richie gave him a stroke. 

“Fuck you’ve got a pretty dick, Eds,” Richie mumbled before he was licking at the head. Eddie let out a gasp and then a loud moan as Richie’s mouth engulfed him. 

“Oh fuck,” Eddie groaned, watching his dick slip between Richie’s mouth. “Holy fucking shit this is actually happening. Oh my fucking God.”

Richie pulled off with a pop and used his hand to stroke Eddie again as he looked up at him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just processing the fact that you are actually touching my dick,” he said, hips jerking up. “Fuck, Rich. I was so worried you wouldn’t want to have sex with me.”

“What made you think that?”

“Because I’m disabled,” Eddie answered and Richie’s hand stopped, a frown forming. Eddie looked away from him. “It’s not exactly sexy to have a crutch.”

Richie was moving up his body again, cupping Eddie’s face with the hand that hadn't been on his dick. “I don’t give a fuck that you’re disabled, Eddie. It’s like with your scar, I’d rather have you like this then dead, and honestly, even with your crutch you are still the hottest fucking man I’ve ever seen,” he said, then grinned. “Well, second hottest, cause you know, Ben.”

Eddie let out a snort, slapping a hand over his mouth as he looked up at Richie, feeling more laughter bubble up. Sometimes, Richie’s jokes were poorly timed, but he felt grateful for the joke now. He dropped his hand and smiled at Richie. “I think you’re the second hottest man I’ve ever seen too.”

He couldn’t contain his laughter then and pulled Richie down for more kisses, giggles escaping both of them. His hands move down to Richie’s pants, getting them shoved down past his butt. 

Richie pulled back to finish undressing and Eddie got his first glimpse of Richie’s dick, hard and leaking against his belly. “Holy shit.”

Richie tossed his clothes onto the floor before wrapping a hand around himself. “You like?”

Eddie nodded, unable to take his eyes off of him. “God, you are so fucking hot, Richie.” He sat up and pulled his shirt off before moving towards Richie, his hand joining Richie’s. He stroked him with one hand as his other moved along Richie’s belly and chest. “Shit.”

“I don’t get a lot of compliments about my body,” Richie said. “It's normally the opposite.”

“Well, they’re wrong cause you are fucking beautiful.”

Richie smiled and leaned in to kiss him, letting go of himself so he could touch Eddie instead. Eddie sucked in a breath as his fingers wrapped around him once more. He pushed Eddie’s hand away from his dick with his free hand and said, “Lay back, I wanna suck you off.”

Eddie nodded and lay back, watching Richie move between his legs. Richie’s mouth was back on his dick and Eddie moaned, softly thrusting up. He closed his eyes and relaxed as Richie moved along his length. He combed his fingers through Richie’s hair, encouraging him with moans and mumbled words. 

He hadn’t had a mouth anywhere near his dick since college and he had almost forgotten how good it could feel.

A hand moved to play with his balls and his hips jerked up hard. He was about to apologize but Richie moaned around his dick in encouragment, the vibrations of it making Eddie gasp out a “Fuck!” He thrust his hips up again, harder this time and Richie moaned again. He kept fucking Richie’s mouth, his breathing getting faster. It felt so good and he lost himself in the feeling, fingers tangling in Richie’s hair and tugging.

He didn’t notice Richie’s hand moving lower under until he had a finger putting the slightest amount of pressure against his hole, not enough to push in, but enough for him to feel it. His hips jerked up and he came suddenly, shouting Richie’s name.

“Oh fuck! Richie, fuck! Fuck!” He panted. He looked down at Richie who had pulled off his dick and was rubbing his throat. “Oh shit, are you alright?”

“Yeah, that was just unexpected,” Richie said. He wiped at his mouth before pressing soft kisses to Eddie’s thigh. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

“No one’s ever touched my ass before. I’ve never even done it,” Eddie answered, shifting his eyes away from Richie, feeling his cheeks burn from embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Richie said, moving up so he could kiss Eddie. “That was fucking hot.” He kissed him again and Eddie wrapped his arms around him, pulling him against him. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Their kiss deepened and he could taste himself, a part of him screaming how he should make Richie stop and go brush his teeth, but he ignored that thought. He didn’t want to listen to the thoughts that made him feel dirty, not when it felt so good to kiss Richie and have him touching him. 

Richie’s erection was pressed against him and Eddie reached between their bodies to wrap a hand around it, Richie’s hips jerking as he touched him. “I don’t think I can get it up again right away but I wanna get you off.” He started to stroke him, watching as Richie’s eyes slid closed and his mouth dropped open, soft moans falling from him. He varied his movements, finding what made Richie moan louder and worked him until he was gasping and spilling over Eddie’s chest and stomach. 

Richie grunted and lay against Eddie, burying his face against Eddie’s neck. “Holy fucking shit that was amazing,” He said, his voice a little muffled. Eddie smiled, wiping his hand on the bed, ignoring the voice telling him how gross that was. They could clean up and change the sheets later, for right now, he just wanted to hold Richie. 

“Sorry we didn’t get to actually have sex.”

“Are you kidding?” Richie said, lifting himself up so he could look at Eddie. “That was just as good.” He gave Eddie a soft kiss. “I honestly don’t care what we do in bed, Eddie, just as long as I get to be with you.”

Eddie was smiling again, holding Richie tighter as he kissed him. They kissed for a while before Eddie felt the need to pee. “I need to get up,” He sighed, not wanting to part from Richie. “And we should probably get cleaned up. No offense, but I really don’t want to fall asleep with your cum on me.”

Richie laughed but got off of Eddie. “Think that shower will fit both of us?”

“I doubt it,” Eddie said, grabbing his crutch and walking towards the bathroom. His legs felt like jelly as he moved, so he walked slowly. He stopped at the doorway and looked over his shoulder at Richie who had turned on his side, a smile on his face as he watched Eddie. “Give me a minute and we can try, but no funny business. I was serious about what I said before. The bathroom is fucking dangerous.”

“No funny business. Promise.”

Eddie gave him a smile before continuing into the bathroom. He got the shower started and called out for Richie to come in. “Sit,” he said, pointing towards the shower bench.

“That gonna hold us both?”

“We’re about to find out,” Eddie answered.

Richie placed his glasses on the sink before stepping into the shower and sitting on the bench. Eddie carefully stepped in as well, leaving his crutch nearby and moved to straddle Richie’s lap. The bench groaned under their combined weight, but otherwise stayed put.

Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck and gave him a kiss. “This still feels like a dream,” He said, running a hand through Richie’s hair. Richie pinched his arm and Eddie yelped. “What the fuck, Richard?”

“I don’t think you’re dreaming,” Richie laughed, hands settling on Eddie’s hips.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”

“Sorry,” Richie mumbled, kissing him softly. “You can pinch me back if you want.”

Eddie shook his head. “Let’s just get cleaned up so we can get back to bed.” He reached for the shampoo and poured some into his hand before running his fingers through Richie’s hair, massaging his scalp. He was quiet for a moment, working on washing Richie’s hair as he thought about what they just did. He didn’t speak for several minutes, letting Richie rinse out his hair before he finally spoke again. “I was terrified in college when I was with that boy, but even terrified, I felt free. My mother wasn’t around to tell me that he was dirty or that I was going to get Aids from him and I enjoyed myself. 

“Why didn’t you two stay together?”

“We were both in the closet,” Eddie answered with a sigh. “And there was a weekend that I went back home to visit mom and-and I had worn something that had revealed a hickey he left on me.” He stopped speaking for a moment, remembering the shame he had felt as she yelled at him. He looked away from Richie. “I didn’t tell her it was a boy, but I think she knew. I think she had always known. She never said anything, but why else would she have made a point to tell me constantly how dirty other boys were? Anyways, I had gone back to school and told him that I couldn’t do it anymore. It was shortly after that that I had met Myra and forced myself to pretend.”

He felt fingers on his chin and then Richie was directing his gaze back towards him. “How do you feel right now?”

Eddie didn’t answer right away. Richie was squinting to be able to see him and Eddie could see the concern on his face, making him remember what Richie had said earlier about regret. “There were a few moments where I thought about how dirty it was, but I ignored it,” Eddie said. “There was nothing dirty about what we did. Well, I mean it was dirty, but it wasn’t wrong.” He took Richie’s hand in his and held it tight. “I don’t regret it. I can’t promise that I won’t freak out at some point, but I’m not afraid to be with a man. I’m not afraid to love you, Richie. I want to be with you. You make me happy.”

Richie smiled softly, pressing a soft kiss to Eddie’s forehead and said, “You make me happy too.” He grabbed the shampoo and started to wash Eddie’s hair. “I wasn’t out in college, but there were a couple of boys. It wasn’t until I hit the comedy scene that I really started to hide. Nobody wanted to sign a gay comic. So I hid and found a team to help with my image. I started dating girls and hating myself for it. I thought I could make myself like them, but it wasn’t until Sandy that I just stopped dating altogether. I didn’t stop pretending to be straight, but I just didn’t go on dates anymore.” He paused to let Eddie rinse out his hair before he said in a quiet voice, “Sandy, she was the last. We almost got married.”

“You were almost married?”

Richie nodded, looking sad. “The engagement only lasted a couple of days. We didn’t even announce it to the public, so no one knew but us. I think there were speculations, but we never confirmed it. We dated for two years and I proposed because I thought that I loved her. She said yes, but I-I felt disappointed and disgusted with myself, so I began to withdraw from her. She confronted me and it came out. It was the first time I had ever actually told anyone that I was gay.”

“What did she do?”

“She hugged me and told me that it was alright,” Richie answered. “So we broke up, but we continued to remain friends. We’re still friends.”

“I haven’t met her yet.”

“She’s been busy,” Richie said. “She’s an actor, so she’s been filming a lot.”

“Anything I would know?”

“Maybe,” Richie said. “She does a lot of horror movies. I’ve talked to her about you since Derry and she’s expressed interest in meeting you. I think that you would like her. She’s a lot like Bev.”

“Maybe that was why you were so drawn to her.”

“Maybe,” Richie said with a soft sigh. “I do love her, but I know now that it’s the same way that I love Beverly, like a sister.”

“I never loved Myra. We were friends at one point, but I never loved her. I had convinced myself that maybe one day I would grow to love her, but it never happened. It took going back to Derry to realize that I have only ever loved six people in my life. You and the rest of the Losers.” He touched Richie’s cheek and smiled softly. “You were my first love too, my only love. I loved all of the Losers, but you..” He trailed off for a moment, just looking at Richie. “You were special to me.”

“So if I were to open up that yearbook?”

Eddie laughed and nodded. “You would find that I drew hearts around you. I only wish that we hadn’t forgotten, that we had managed to keep in touch, maybe then-”

Richie silenced him with a kiss. “Don’t dwell on that. Just be happy that we have each other now.”

“I am, Richie. I am happy.”

They finished cleaning up and drying off before making their way back to Eddie’s bed. “You want some pajamas?” Richie asked, walking towards the dresser.

Eddie shook his head and slid under the covers. “I think you should turn off the light and come join me.”

Richie grinned, doing as Eddie said. He set his glasses on the nightstand before he was wrapping his arms around Eddie and kissing him. They continued to kiss soft and slow for a minute until Richie yawned, making them both laugh. Eddie snuggled closer to Richie and let out a soft sigh, his eyes sliding closed.

“We need to tell the others.”

“In the morning,” Richie said, letting out another yawn. “For right now, I just want you all to myself.” Eddie felt a kiss pressed to his forehead. “I love you, Eds.”

“I love you too, Rich.”


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up, Eddie had briefly wondered if he had dreamed the previous night, but a quick check under the covers had a flush on his cheeks.

The previous night had in fact happened. 

A smile spread over Eddie’s face as he moved to lay his head on Richie’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of Richie’s heart and his soft breathing, an occasional snore leaving him. He softly began to trace shapes over Richie’s belly. He wasn’t nearly ready to wake him, nor was he particularly ready to get up himself. 

He didn’t know how long it had been before Richie started to stir. One of Richie’s arms wrapped around his waist, holding him tighter as a kiss was pressed to his head. 

“Morning,” Richie mumbled.

“Morning,” Eddie replied, lifting himself up so he could get a proper kiss. He wrinkled his nose as he pulled back. “Your breath is terrible.”

“Want me to go brush?”

Eddie shook his head and laid his head back on Richie’s chest. “No, I rather we stay like this. I don’t want to move just yet.” His fingers moved along Richie’s belly again. “You have a cute stomach.” Richie was quiet for a moment before Eddie heard a slight sniffle. “Rich? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just no one has ever called it cute before.”

“I don’t see why not. It is cute,” Eddie said, pressing a kiss just about Richie’s belly button. “Cute and soft. I like it.” He pressed a couple of more kisses there, making Richie giggle. “Ticklish?”

“Maybe.”

Eddie grinned and continued to kiss Richie’s belly, his fingers moving lightly along it, tickling Richie and making him burst into laughter. He shook under Eddie, pushing at Eddie’s hands with little force. “Knock it off!”

Eddie shook his head, tickling Richie more. Richie was twisting under him, his laughter loud. Eddie laughed along with him, enjoying the fact that he was able to draw it from Richie. 

Eddie stopped once Richie was breathless and batting at his hands. He rested his head on Ruchie’s belly and sighed softly as Richie caught his breath. 

At some point, the covers had gotten shoved down and Eddie found his gaze moving between Richie’s legs. He reached out, running his fingers over Richie’s flaccid length, listening as Richie sucked in a breath. Neither of them spoke as Eddie touched him. He hadn't gotten the chance to really look the previous night and took the time to do so now.

Richie hardened quickly, his breathing quickening, but he stayed otherwise quiet, letting Eddie explore. He was thick, Eddie noticed, and big. Eddie found himself wanting to taste him, so he shuffled down and ran his tongue over the head. Richie exhaled sharply, one hand moving to Eddie’s shoulder. 

He moved his mouth along Richie’s length, pressing soft kisses to it. He felt Richie’s fingers curling into his shoulder as he moved lower to mouth at his balls, drawing a low whine from him. He moved back up, wrapping his lips around the head, feeling the stretch as he took him in. He was definitely big, but Eddie wasn’t going to complain. He was enjoying it and judging by the breathy moans coming from Richie as he bobbed his head, Richie was enjoying it too. He quickly found that he couldn’t take him all the way, nearly gagging when he felt it hit the back of his throat, so he used his hand to stroke what he couldn’t take.

Richie didn’t seem to mind though. Everything Eddie did made him moan and every so often, Eddie’s name slipped from his lips, encouraging him more. He took his time and by the time Eddie was ready to bring him off, Richie was shaking and tapping Eddie’s shoulder. 

“Eddie. Eds, I’m gonna...fuck..I’m gonna cum.”

Eddie considered pulling off, that’s what he always did in college, but with Richie, he found that he didn’t want to. So he doubled his efforts and Richie was gripping Eddie’s shoulder tightly and moaning louder.

Richie came with a shout of Eddie’s name and a string of profanities. Eddie found it was too much and pulled off of Richie, spit and cum dribbled down his chin. He looked up at Richie who had grabbed his glasses at some point and was looking at Eddie in awe. “Fuck, Eddie, you should see yourself,” he mumbled, wiping the mess off Eddie’s face. “Come here.” Eddie moved up and Richie was pulling him in for a deep kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Eddie said, feeling Richie’s hand moving down his chest. He stopped it before it got too low.

“Did you already-”

“No,” Eddie said, feeling embarrassed and looked away from Richie. “They said-they said that sometimes there might be problems getting it up. I was enjoying myself, I really was but….I’m sorry. I should have told you before, but it didn’t happen last night so I didn’t think about it.”

Eddie was surprised when Richie pulled him in for another kiss. “It’s okay, Eds.” He carded his fingers through Eddie’s hair and smiled gently at him. “It doesn’t bother me.” He kissed him again. “I love you no matter what.”

“I can take something for it.”

“Only if you want to,” Richie said. “Don’t feel obligated to do something because of me. I’m perfectly happy with whatever you want to do.”

Eddie nodded, feeling himself begin to smile and leaned in for a kiss. “I love you too, Richie. No matter what.”

They shared a few more kisses before Eddie was rolling away to grab his phone and bringing up the camera. He grabbed Richie’s arm, giving him a gentle tug and making him come closer. “What are you doing?” Richie asked, pressing himself again Eddie’s back and wrapping an arm around Eddie. 

“Taking a picture,” Eddie answered, flipping the camera towards them and taking a couple. One of them smiling, one of Richie kissing his shoulder and a few where Richie had turned his head for a kiss on the lips. He dropped his phone after that, wanting to kiss Richie more. 

It was a few minutes before they broke apart again. Eddie was finding it hard to stop kissing Richie and wanting to be close to them. “I’m gonna send something to the others. About us.”

“I have a feeling that they won’t be too surprised,” Richie said. “Bev and Stan were constantly on my case about telling you that I was in love with you.”

Eddie let out a laugh as he chose the picture of Richie kissing his shoulder and sent it to the Losers’ group chat with the added caption of ‘Richie and I have something to tell you guys.’ He set his phone aside, even as the texts started to come in. “I’ve had my fair share of talks too. Mostly with Mike. He was so certain that we belonged together.”

“We do belong together.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said with a smile. “We do.” He found Richie’s hand and threaded their fingers together. “I’m sorry that I kept it to myself. I just-there was a lot going on and I was feeling so overwhelmed. I had lived one way for so long, then I fought a fucking clown again, almost died and ended up disabled before leaving my wife to start all over in a new state. It was just too fucking much at once. I wasn’t sure if I could add a relationship yet. And though I felt like you felt the same, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure and that scared me because I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship.”

“It’s okay, Eds. You don’t have to apologize,” Richie said, holding him tightly and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I was waiting for you. I mean, I know last night I was the one to put it out there, but I would have backed off immediately if you said no. I never want you to feel uncomfortable around me.”

“I don’t. I never have. Even when we were kids and I was discovering I was gay, I never felt uncomfortable. I wanted you around then and I want to keep you around now.”

Richie smiled. “That’s good, cause I don’t plan on leaving.”

Then Richie was kissing him again and Eddie returned it, rolling them so he was on top of Richie. They kissed for a while, taking the time to explore each other and though Richie got hard again, they didn’t go any further.

They stayed in bed until their stomachs were growling. So Richie gave him a kiss and told him that he’d be right back with breakfast. Eddie watched him leave with a smile before he was reaching for his phone and reading through some of the messages from the other Losers. He came across a private one from Mike and smiled before calling him.

It only took a couple of rings for Mike to answer. “Hey, Eddie.”

“I don’t know why I doubted what you said to me,” Eddie said, reaching for the pillow Richie had been laying on and pulling it closer. “I don’t think I’ve felt this happy in a long time.”

Mike let out a soft laugh. “I knew everything would work out in the end. I told you not to give up.”

“Did you know? I asked you before, but you said it wouldn’t have been your place. Will you tell me now?”

“Has Richie ever told me? No. But I had a feeling. The way he has always looked at you and everything he’s done since Derry? I could just tell. It’s like how I knew you loved him, Eddie. It just made sense. I’m so happy you two are together now.”

“I’m pretty happy myself. I should have done this sooner.”

“You weren’t ready yet.”

“I just hope this works out and it doesn’t fuck anything up. I don’t think I could handle that.”

“Everything is going to be just fine. I know you two will make it work. You fit together like puzzle pieces.”

“We did slip back into that pretty easily, didn’t we?” Eddie said. He gave a soft sigh. “We were dancing last night, that’s how it happened. I don’t know if he was planning on saying anything, but ‘Eddie My Love’ came on, and you remember how he used to tease me with it, and it all just came out and I kissed him. God, Mike, I’ve wanted him for so long. I’ve wanted to be loved by someone, actually, truly loved for so long and now I have that. I have Richie. I have a boyfriend and I’m allowed to have a boyfriend. It took me a while, but I know now that I can have this. I can be happy.”

“Eddie, you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that,” Mike said and Eddie could practically hear the smile in his voice. “You and Richie have been through so much, we all have, and it’s so good to hear that everyone is coming out of this happy. I’m proud of you, Eddie.”

“I’m pretty damn proud of myself,” Eddie said as Richie walked back into the bedroom with a bowl of fruit. His heart fluttered in his chest as he looked at Richie. “Mikey, I hate to cut this short, but Richie just came back with our breakfast and I’m starving.”

“I'll talk to you later,” Mike said. “I love you, Eddie. Tell Richie I love him too.”

“I will, love you too, Mikey,” Eddie said and hung up as Richie set the tray down and climbed into bed, giving him a kiss. “Mike said hi and that he loves you.”

“I’ll have to call him later,” Richie said, giving Eddie another kiss. “I think I have a few calls to make later.” There was another shared kiss and Eddie cupped Richie’s face, continuing to kiss him until there was another rumble from his stomach making them both laugh. “Food! We need food, Spaghetti!”

Richie moved the tray between them and Eddie reached into the bowl of fruit. He pulled out a grape and held it up to Richie’s lips. Richie looked surprised before he smiled and opened his mouth so Eddie could feed him. They took turns feeding each other and laughing between bites until the bowl was empty. 

They didn’t leave the bed for long that day, choosing to cuddle and watch movies on Eddie’s laptop and as Eddie fell asleep that night with Richie’s arms wrapped around him, he prayed that if he was dreaming, he didn’t wake up from it.


	11. Chapter 11

“You seem pretty happy today.”

“I am,” Eddie said as he took a seat across from his therapist. “Richie and I, we’re finally boyfriends.” The word almost made him giggle. He still couldn’t believe that at this stage in his life that he was out and happily in love with another man. “We uh-the other night, we finally confessed to each other and Sunday, we didn’t even leave the bed. I don’t know why I was holding myself back. We’ve been in love with each other since we were kids. I know he was waiting for me to make a move, but he let something slip that night and I kissed him.”

His therapist was smiling at him. “I’m glad to see you opening yourself up for a relationship. How do you feel?”

“Better? Not perfect, but better,” Eddie answered. “I know dating him isn’t going to magically make everything better, but it definitely eases some of it. I know I have the Losers, but he and I? There was always something different about us. He used to annoy me, sometimes he still does, but I never got tired of him. I always wanted him around.” He paused for a moment before saying, “It does almost feel like a dream though. I never thought I would ever let myself openingly be with another man. I hid these feelings for so long and now look at me. I’m with the first boy I’ve ever loved. I’m glad it reconnected. Even though it meant that accident happened, if I hadn’t gone back to Derry for that reunion, I honestly don't know where I would be right now. Definitely miserable. I know that.”

He paused again and smiled. “I feel like I’m going to be okay. I know there’s still going to be struggles, and I do know that I have my friends back and I have someone who loves me, I have people who are going to be there when things get rough and who will be patient with me. I think everything is going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.”

His therapist was smiling at him now, a gentle and reassuring smile. “I’m happy to hear you say that, Eddie. Not everyone can transition as well as you have to these new changes. You have made such strides since you first sat down in my office and I can tell that you’re much happier now. My question for you now is, do you feel like you need to continue to see my every week or would you prefer to see me less often? While it is alright if you want to keep the weekly appointments, I feel as though you do not necessarily need them anymore.”

Eddie sat back in his chair. “I don’t know. Could I call and make an appointment as I feel like I need it? I know you have a support group, maybe I could try to come to that?”

“You are more than welcome to it, and you may bring Richie with you. It’s open to spouses and family.”

Eddie nodded. “I’ll think about what I want to change it to. Having this outlet has helped a lot. I should have considered therapy years ago.”

“It is not a choice many people think that they need,” She said. “But my office is always open to you, no matter how much or how little you need it. I will be here.”

“Thank you.”

He finished his appointment and found Richie already waiting for him outside. He walked up to the car and got inside, giving Richie a smile. “I feel like going for a walk. What do you think?”

“Food first,” Richie answered, pulling out of the parking spot and hitting the road. “I’m starving.”

They found a little diner to have lunch at with an outdoor area. They had their order taken and sat back, chatting about nothing in particular. It was when Richie glanced across the street that he frowned, pulling his hand away from Eddie’s. “Shit.”

“What?” Eddie asked, looking to where Richie was staring, but couldn’t make out much through the bustle of people.

“Paparazzi,” Richie answered. Ever since the ice cream photo, they had been a little more careful about how they presented themselves in public. While Richie didn’t care what people thought, he didn’t want anyone hounding Eddie. “Want to go inside?”

Eddie shook his head and looked back over at Richie, taking his hand again. “Nope.”

“People will talk.”

“Let them talk,” Eddie said. “I’m your boyfriend and I’m not letting anyone ruin this.”

“You sure you’re going to be okay with being in the spotlight?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure,” He said, leaning across the table. “I’ve been through a lot of shit in this past year alone. I think that I can handle it.” He then closed the distance between them, kissing Richie softly as he lifted his free hand, flipping off the paparazzi. Richie flipped them off too as he kissed Eddie back, the kissing lasting a few moments before they were pulling back and giggling. “I love you, Richie.”

“I love you too, Eds,” Richie said in a soft voice, looking at Eddie in a way that made his heart jump. “More than anything.”

Eddie sat back with a smile, holding Richie’s hand tightly in his own. While he didn’t know exactly what tomorrow held, he knew one thing for sure, he and Richie were going to be okay. He was going to be okay.”


End file.
